


LoVe in the White City

by DRiver2U



Series: Sequel to Justice for All [1]
Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-20 04:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRiver2U/pseuds/DRiver2U
Summary: This is the sequel to "Justice for All." Logan visits Veronica at her home in Chicago following his 6-month deployment.





	1. March 15 (Thursday)

Veronica often heard people complain there wasn't enough time in the day. She knew that wasn't true. We all have the same amount of time. Time is merely a concept made up of rational, measured segments. Every person on earth shares the same five minutes, the same 7 days, the same 6 months. We breathe the same air, gaze at the same moon, feel the warmth of the same sun. What we witness and experience in those seconds, minutes, days, weeks are what changes our perspective. Time is without fault. When we interrogate, we don't ask where were you when I was washing my hair. We ask what were you doing at 5:00 a.m. on March 15. 

When Veronica woke up before dawn, she was aware she was sharing the same moment in time with Logan. For the last 6 months, she thought about him when her alarm went off and when she closed her library book before turning off her bedside light. The old friends were continents apart, but they were linked in time with each second that passed. Soon they would not only share the same moment, they would share the same space. They would intersect; their rational time would collide with their emotional experiences. Pragmatism was unimportant to most people when they thought about the memories of childhood, falling in love, or a winning home run. When they looked back, they didn't think in terms of the exact moment an event took place. Most would not be able to identify if it happened on a Thursday morning or a Monday afternoon. The logical, the scientific lost out to the need to connect through shared experiences, not shared time. 

While Logan had been deployed, they had stayed in contact through email. It was hard to juggle her work schedule, his flying commitments, and the time difference for Skyping, so they emailed instead. When she read his emails, she checked the time stamp. How many seconds and minutes apart had they written their thoughts to each other? Writing gave ease to the online conversations because Veronica could edit before sending. She had taken the advice her best friend had dumped on her 6 months ago and put aside time in each day to email, call, or text at least 2 people in her contact list. Logan was on that short list of people to contact each week. 

With Logan, she knew she could have done more to keep in contact. She could have sent cards or packages, but it seemed too forward after not speaking for a decade. Logan was insistent that they keep the March date they had arranged last fall. Without fail, his emails would include a reference to their reunion in Chicago. For Veronica, it was a countdown, a measure of time until reunion. Veronica wondered if it was a carrot and stick approach or a beacon of hope that kept Logan reminding her of their date. 

Facts dominated Veronica's world. They kept her aligned. Linear thought was comforting. She learned to block out the white noise of emotion and focus on things most people forgot. She checked the time throughout the day and noted where she was and what she was doing. She had clocks in every room of her condo and wore a watch when other people depended only on their phones. As of yet, no one could change time, but she welcomed the opportunity to witness it as a keen observer. 

Veronica was out of her condo by 5:30 on Thursday morning. It was cool and sunless because it was March, but the weather forecasters kept repeating what a warm month they were having. Hooray for global warming, she thought to herself as she made her way to the bus stop still bundled in her winter coat. Taxes, death, and cold Chicago winters were supposed to be unavoidable, but the frigid winters had become more tolerable. 

Besides her messenger bag and purse, she carried with her a stainless steel travel mug her dad gave her for Christmas. It was the type that was supposed to keep drinks warm or cold for 24 hours. She guzzled several cups of coffee a day, so she had never determined if the guarantee was correct. Every year for the last 5 years she had made the same New Year's resolution. This year, she was into March, longer than any other year, without breaking her vow. She had given up Starbucks runs to save time and money in the hopes of being more conscious about both. 

She was the first one in the office and started the coffee pot before taking off her coat. She had finished her first cup and a granola bar on the bus. The commute to the Medill Justice Project at Northwestern was quiet at that time of the morning, so she indulged in working on the hook of the song she was writing. She tapped her fingers on her leg and sang quietly when no one was within 3 rows of her seat. It was a different type of writing from what she did at work, but during her first songwriting class she realized there were rules and patterns that could make the process easier for her. Being creative was unfamiliar; she knew she would never hear one of her songs on the radio, but she craved the challenge. 

She usually worked 12 hours at the office, and she wanted to be at the airport by 7:30 that evening. Working from home was an option when her days revolved around research assignments, but she found the routine of commuting and the blandness of office decor helped keep her attentive. Distractions led to inefficiency.

She loved the challenge of her job because it allowed her to find missing pieces to a puzzle. It had a good combination of office work, personal interviews, research, and coworker interaction, and she was rarely bored. She worried, however, that she was starting to see the latest group of journalism students as kids rather than as colleagues. She wondered if it was time to start looking for other options or get serious about law school. She had dedicated most of her adult life to one cause. She realized that Logan had done the same after he left college. 

The day evaporated and she only had time to grab an energy bar from her drawer for lunch. She had set her phone alarm for 6:00 p.m. so she wouldn't miss the last Evanston Express train into the city. Before packing up her belongings, she stopped in the restroom to brush her teeth and take a final look at herself. She thought she looked like any other Chicago businesswoman after a long day of work. It would have to be good enough.

The evening trip to the airport would be via public transportation. She jumped on the purple line back into the city and hopped on the blue line train to O'Hare. She had chosen to move to Chicago after graduating, but it would be easier to commute if she had stayed in Evanston. She already spent most of her life at her job, and she worried that she would never leave if she lived blocks away from the office. Living in Chicago forced her to have some semblance of a work-life balance. 

She had to admit that she was nervous about Logan's visit. It had been years since they had spent any real time alone with each other and now they were being forced to spend 4 straight days together. He was staying in her little flat even though she knew he could afford to stay in a hotel. She thought it was a bit awkward and even presumptuous of him to assume he could stay with her, but she had thought it would be rude to suggest he find an Airbnb. She wasn't used to someone else in her space. Of course, her father stayed with her when he visited, but she didn't worry about her dad's evaluation about how warm she kept her condo, what shampoo was in her shower, or if her shelves were dusted. He accepted her as she was, bargain shampoo and all. 

**********

Logan texted her when his plane arrived, and she said she was waiting for him in the baggage claim area. "I'm 5'9" with jet black hair and green eyes, in case you've forgotten what I look like," she texted back. 

"Right, I'm looking for the tiny blond with blue eyes. Got it," he responded. So far, so good, Veronica thought, but she worried about what they would talk about for the next few days. Even at work, she spent most of her time working independently, and she was comfortable with hours of quiet time. She wasn't just nervous because she was having a houseguest for 4 days. Logan was coming to visit, coming back to be with her, just her. She couldn't picture how the weekend would play out, and it made her uncomfortable knowing she didn't have an interview outline at the ready. She had, however, made up a mental itinerary for each day of his visit. 

Veronica was leaning against the wall next to the new Starbucks oasis and reminded herself that she was allowed guilt-free smells of the decadent drink. She was sending a text to one of the students when she heard him say, "Veronica." That was all she needed to hear. There was the relief, exhaustion, desperation, and nervousness all in one word. He was feeling the same way. She still didn't understand how he could say so much when he spoke her name. She put her phone in her purse and they gave each other a hug. 

Veronica stepped out of his embrace and looked at him in his jeans and cashmere sweater. "What no uniform like in _An Officer and a Gentleman_? Where's the fun in that?" 

"Let's pretend the navy doesn't exist for the next 4 days," he replied. Veronica thought he looked tired yet relaxed. 

"How was your flight? Did you rest?" she asked. 

"It was fine, but I couldn't get comfortable. I was hoping to sleep so I'd be alert when I was with you, but it didn't happen," he said sounding sad. 

She noticed he was carrying a beautiful brown leather duffel bag that was definitely not military issue. "Any more bags we need to pick up?" she asked and he shook his head. "Then let's get a cab so we can go home. I can tell you're tired." 

They walked outside, and Logan sucked in a quick breath and pulled his coat tighter around him. Veronica slipped on her purple and white toque hat with the fuzzy ball on the top. "Oh yeah," she said laughing, "you're not in California any more." 

"I may have to buy more clothes while I'm here," he said, and Veronica couldn't tell if he was serious. 

"I hate to tell you this," she said, "but this is a warm streak." He shook his head and looked at her in disbelief. 

"I go from 120 degrees to 20 degrees. My internal thermostat may freak out."

The line for the taxis was short. Since the rideshare companies had invaded Chicago, it was much easier to get a cab. She was splurging on the taxi knowing Logan would have insisted on paying for one if she had suggested taking the el. Thankfully, most people seemed to have finished their commute for the day, and they were at Veronica's condo by 8:30. The drive into the city was beautiful with the skyline glowing in the distance. The tops of some of the skyscrapers were bathed in green lights for the upcoming holiday. 

It would be a crazy weekend in Chicago. It was a year when St. Patrick's Day fell on a Saturday. The river would be dyed green, the parade would overflow on Columbus Drive, and the bars would be packed until the early hours of Sunday morning. The day-drinking would be in full swing by 10:00 on Saturday morning. She heard stories about the rowdy drunkenness of English football fans, but she couldn't believe they could hold a candle to a Chicagoan on St. Patrick's Day. 

The cab dropped them off on her tree-lined street. She lived on the third floor of a Chicago greystone. There were 2 sets of glass doors upon entering the building, and the oak staircase was inside the second set of doors. Veronica admired the history of the vintage building, and she was proud that she had avoided buying into one of the newer, impersonal properties in the area. Neptune didn't have the same style buildings, and it was another way she disconnected from the place where she had grown up. 

"Sorry about the stairs," she said as they made their way up to the top floor. "No elevator in the old building." She started to feel inadequate about her home. It was not Logan's world with mansions and beach front condos. 

"I think I can handle a couple flights of stairs, Veronica," he said quietly listening to the sounds of the building. He was enjoying walking behind her up the steps. He could think of worse views. 

Veronica unlocked the 2 locks on her door and opened it for Logan to enter. Logan was surprised at how small it was. Although he had just spent 6 months bunked with too many guys in too small of a space, he wondered how a person could live permanently in such a tiny area without becoming claustrophobic. Veronica had been right. Cute was a good word to describe her home. A realtor might have advertised it as cozy.

"I know it's small," she said and Logan felt like she had been reading his mind. "But it's a fun neighborhood and it's all I need. I don't spend much time here because I'm always at work." She thought she was rambling, but she was beginning to look at her world through his eyes. She knew he would never buy a condo like this. "The bathroom's there and the bedroom's over there." She pointed in the direction of both rooms. "Living room and kitchen and that's about it, I'm afraid." Again she paused and looked around her home. "Oh, and there's a small back stairs and balcony through the kitchen in case you need some fresh air. Or a smoke. Do you smoke? You used to sometimes, right?" 

"No smoking. Best if I'm not jonesin' when I'm flying. Avoid anything that distracts from my concentration." Logan wasn't sure which direction to move, so he stayed near the door. "It's really nice, Veronica," Logan said, but she didn't feel like he appreciated it the way she did. "If it's not too much trouble, could I get some water?" 

"Yeah, of course, put your bag down and come into the kitchen," she unbuttoned her coat and took off her gloves and hat. "Don't worry about being too cold in here. The old radiators kick out more hot air than a Chicago politician," she joked. "Are you hungry? I thought I'd just make us some sandwiches tonight since I wasn't sure if your flight would be on time." 

"That sounds great. I'm sorry I'm a little out of it. I'm beat," he said with little emotion in his voice. Logan sat down at one of the 2 chairs next to her small kitchen table. Everything in the apartment seemed to be in miniature, Logan noticed. Veronica set a glass of water down on the table along with the turkey and provolone sandwich. "Oh, happy Ides of March, Veronica." Logan looked at her and smiled a bit, but it was clear he only wanted to eat and sleep. 

"Right back at ya, Brutus," she laughed. She walked out of the kitchen and went to the hall closet to hang their coats. She grabbed some towels and placed them on the small stand in the bathroom. When she made her way back to the kitchen, Logan had finished his sandwich. "You look so tired. Why don't you go to bed? There are towels for you in the bathroom if you want to shower first. Your bag's in the bedroom. We'll catch up tomorrow, but just crash tonight." 

Logan nodded at her. He wasn't sure if they were planning to sleep in the same room and bed together, but he didn't have the energy to question it. He went to the bedroom and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste before heading to the bathroom. Veronica realized that she was starving. She had hardly eaten all day, so she grabbed the makings for her sandwich and ate standing over the kitchen sink. 

She heard Logan go back to the bedroom and she finished her glass of milk before putting their dishes in the sink. She went to check on Logan, and she could see him nestled under the covers with the overhead light still on in the bedroom. She turned the light off and closed the door. It was too early for Veronica to fall asleep, so she washed the dishes and went to the living room couch. She turned on her phone, tablet, and laptop but not the TV. She thought she would be able to work 3 hours before she would drift off to sleep. 

They had made it through their first day together without a fight. The secret to a great relationship, she joked to herself, was to avoid talking to each other. She fell asleep with her tablet resting on her chest.


	2. March 16 (Friday)

When Logan woke up on Friday morning, he had no idea of the time or where he was. He could see daylight filtering in through the sheer curtains in the room, but everything looked unfamiliar. He had forgotten how exhausted he felt after coming back from deployment. He looked around and saw a picture of Veronica and Mac on the dresser across the room. That's right. He was in Chicago with Veronica. He looked at the other side of the bed, but it didn't look messy. He assumed Veronica had slept in the living room. 

As he left the bedroom, he closed the door and he heard singing coming from the bathroom, but he didn't recognize the song. He missed hearing her voice first thing in the morning. He peeked in the living room and noted her laptop was open and a dark tablet screen was next to the computer. He walked to the kitchen and smelled coffee. Apparently, she had been awake much longer than he had. There were croissants, butter, and jelly on the table along with Veronica's phone. He opened the cabinets until he found the coffee mugs. He needed his coffee now, black, and strong. 

He sat down to help himself to a croissant and heard Veronica's phone buzz. He didn't think much about it assuming it was her work. He glanced at the name. Jackson. There was no picture attached to his name, but there was a purple peace sign. He took a few more bites of his pastry and heard her phone buzz again. Jackson. Again. Veronica had told him she had scheduled vacation time while he was in Chicago, but now he was worried her coworkers would interrupt them throughout the day. The day they were supposed to spend together. Together as Veronica and Logan. Logan and Veronica. The phone buzzed again. Jackson. 

"Fuck, Logan," Veronica yelped. "You scared me. I didn't realize you were up." She could see he had helped himself to coffee and breakfast. "Good morning, by the way. Sleep OK?" 

"Yeah, it was like 12 hours, wasn't it?" He still felt groggy. "Who's Jackson?" 

Veronica looked at him with questioning eyes. "Jackson Pollack, famous American artist. Jackson Browne, rock musician. Jackson Stitt Wilson, former Berkeley mayor. Am I getting close or should I start with Jackson as the last name? Reggie Jackson, baseball great. Michael Jackson, king of pop. I could do this all day. Want to give me some parameters here?" She smiled at him. 

"The Jackson who keeps your phone buzzing. Someone you work with?" 

"Oh, you mean Jackson."

"Did I not pronounce it correctly?"

"That particular Jackson is my former neighbor. He's going to be in town this weekend and was looking for a place to stay," she said nonchalantly. 

"And he wanted to stay with you? What'd you say?"

"I'm afraid that Chez Veronica has no vacancy this weekend. It's the 5-star rating on Yelp that keeps them calling, not to mention the out-of-this-world breakfasts." The 7 hours of sleep made Veronica feel like a new person. She was calm, upbeat, and on top of her game. Maybe she should get this much rest more often. "Do you want to shower after you eat? I've got several things planned, but if there's anything you want to see, let me know. I know my way around pretty well. Oh wait. Don't move."

Veronica headed to the hallway and came back into the kitchen with something cupped in her hands. "I got you a present," she said smiling. She opened her hands to reveal a tiny red bow and handed it to Logan. 

"A bow. You got me a bow," he said remembering his birthday gift to her so many years ago. He picked it up and looked at the plastic card under the bow. 

"Your very own public transportation card!" Veronica exclaimed. "I'll bet no other woman has ever given you one of those." Veronica couldn't help but laugh again. 

"You're right about that," Logan stated. "Does this mean I have to interact with the little people?" he said sarcastically.

"Um, I am the little people, Logan, in more ways than one" she joked. "Finish up and get in the shower. We've got places to go and people to see, old friend." 

"I thought I told you no more old references," he said getting up. As he walked past Veronica, he touched the top of her head and felt her soft blond hair that was still damp. "Don't worry. The navy's taught me how to shower quickly." 

When Logan was in the bathroom, Veronica went into her bedroom and made the bed. She'd gone into the room earlier in the morning to grab clean clothes, and Logan had not stirred. She'd taken more than a few seconds to gaze at him as he slept in her bed, on her side of the bed. She went back to the kitchen to turn off the coffee pot and washed the dishes. She didn't miss not having a dishwasher because she rarely used more than one plate a day. 

She looked at her phone and knew she had to get back to Jackson. He'd been texting her several times a day for the last week. It was unusual for him, but they hadn't seen each other since he moved to Atlanta. He wanted to catch up, and she thought it would be nice to see him again. She had enjoyed the time when they had dated. It was an easy relationship with neither of them expecting anything except kindness from each other. 

As Logan said, he was ready in 30 minutes. When he went back to the bedroom to put on his clothes, he noticed Veronica had been in the room. She liked things neat and tidy and he could appreciate those characteristics as someone who spent time in confined spaces. He put his things back in his bag so he didn't leave a mess in the room. 

Veronica was sitting on the couch checking her work email when he walked into the living room. "Did you decide if there was anything you wanted to see?" She clicked her laptop closed and looked at him. "If you don't mind, we could meet up later with some friends from work for a drink or dinner. Do you want to meet some of my friends?" 

Logan had hoped to spend all of his time alone with Veronica, but he was tempted to see what her friends were like. Who a person chose for a friend could tell a lot about her life. "Yeah, that's fine to meet your friends. And I really don't care what we see, Veronica. I just want to be with you." 

"Don't you know that flattery will get you everywhere?" she smirked. She stood and walked over to get their coats. "Do you want to borrow a hat? I do own some that aren't purple." 

"No, I've got one in my bag," he said. He came back into the hallway wearing a dark blue stocking cap emblazoned with NAVY on the front. 

"I thought we were going to forget about the navy for the next four days," she said looking at his forehead. 

"You bleed purple. I bleed navy." 

"OK, sailor, whatever you say."

"That's Lieutenant Echolls, thank you very much." 

**********

Logan didn't know if it was the cold air or the hot coffee, but he was feeling more awake as they made their way on the bus to downtown Chicago. He could not remember the last time he had taken a public bus. _Had he ever taken one?_ It was after rush hour, so there were seats for both of them; the seats were even next to each other. "We'll start where all the tourists hang out," Veronica said smiling. 

She was looking forward to spending the day guiding Logan to famous Chicago landmarks. "I know the bus can be a little slow, but it's not so bad. You get to see a lot of the city since we can look out the windows. And you never know who'll be on the bus with you." She smiled at the thought of having seen her favorite _Chicago Tribune_ writer drunkenly stumble down the aisle of a bus and sit next to an elderly woman wearing furs and fuzzy slippers. 

Logan looked around and noticed the dirt on the floor and the scratched glass of the windows. "Yeah, I can see why people would prefer this to a BMW," he said sarcastically. Logan was impressed with the city's architecture as they continued down Clark Street. It was an interesting mix of old and new, art and purpose. 

Once they arrived downtown, Veronica pulled the cord to indicate they wanted off at the next stop. They walked to Millennium Park so she could show him "Cloud Gate." Most people called it "The Bean" because of its shape, and Veronica was always amazed at how many people looked at it each time she was there. Veronica appreciated the fact that Chicago had so much public art that was fun and accessible. Logan took a picture of them reflected in the piece. 

She walked down the steps and suggested they go ice skating. It was unusual for the rink to be open this late in March, but the city made an exception this year since St. Patrick's Day would bring in so many people on Saturday. They rented skates and made their way onto the rink. Veronica had been skating throughout the winter, but it was clear that Logan didn't feel comfortable. "Give me a surfboard any day," Logan groaned. Veronica laughed knowing that she was finally the one mastering a sport. Logan grabbed Veronica's hand to keep him steady. If skating gave him an excuse to hold her hand, Logan was willing to do it all day. When the Zamboni came out to resurface the ice, they returned their skates and put on their shoes. 

"I know you're never going to believe this," Veronica turned to Logan, "but I'm starving. It must be because I showed you up on the rink." It had been a long time since Veronica had felt this free. She didn't know if it was because she was with Logan or if it was because she felt like she was playing hooky. Veronica pointed to a Corner Bakery where they could eat. It would be busy during lunch hour on a Friday, but she was willing to fight the crowd. 

They both ordered salads and iced tea and picked a table near the windows looking onto Michigan Avenue. "You seem really good, Veronica." Logan looked at her and wondered if she was happier than when he had seen her in Carlsbad or if she was trying harder to keep peace. "It's nice to see you this way."

"I was nervous you wouldn't like Chicago and that you'd freak about the cold. You don't hate it so far, do you?" 

Logan shook his head. "Not even a little. You're a great tour guide, and I won't hold you responsible for the weather." Veronica blushed a little as the server brought them their food. They people-watched for awhile making small comments about the excitement of Michigan Avenue. 

"What's it like being back?" Veronica didn't know how much she was allowed to ask Logan about his job. In his emails, he had been vague about where he was and the details of the mission. 

"It's an adjustment. Kind of a blur," Logan said. "I forgot how exhausted I am when I get back. Sometimes, I wind up at Dick's doing nothing but sleeping for a week." 

"It's like going from a migraine to a coma," Veronica observed. "Must be hard on your body and your brain."

"Everything's hard on my brain."

"And you don't expect me to insert an old-man quip when you say something like that?"

"Give me time to get back in the groove. You've got the advantage of a clear head."

"Clear head. Full hearts."

"Can't lose. Thanks for the suggestion, by the way. Binged all 5 seasons." Logan restrained himself from making a lascivious comment about Mrs. Coach. 

"Glad you liked it. Texas Forever. What else do you do out there? Do you get bored?"

"Sometimes. Fly. Meetings about flying. Exercise. Eat. Sleep. Write you emails. Read. Binge. The usual."

"Not exactly in most "usual" columns to fly a fighter jet. You didn't say sex. Confined space. Lots of testosterone and adrenaline. Come on."

"Not allowed." Veronica raised her eyebrows in disbelief at his comment. "No, seriously. Not allowed."

"Five thousand 20-year old men not getting any for six months? No way."

"It's not just 20-year olds and not just men."

"Yeah, but guys like you are past your prime. Everyone knows that."

"Myth. Total myth."

"Believe what you will, but I work in facts. Those 20-year olds are gettin' some. And you, old man, are past your prime." Veronica smirked and gave a breathy laugh.

"Harsh. Should I remind you that you're as old as I am?"

"No need to tell me. Every day I feel how old I am. These new students look like they're 15. They aren't getting younger; I'm getting older. It won't be long and I'll be able to tell them truthfully that I'm old enough to be their mother," Veronica said as she picked up her fork again. "It wouldn't be so bad if experience begets wisdom, but I don't find that's often the case." 

While she was talking, Veronica stabbed some of the chicken from Logan's salad. "Hey, you could ask first, you know," Logan said looking her in the eyes.

"Would you have said no?" Veronica laughed. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. I seem to remember stealing lots of food from you when we were teenagers." Veronica couldn't help but smile as she thought back to the good times they had had when they were young. 

"Honestly, it wouldn't be the same if you weren't swiping food off my plate."

"Come on, I'm taking you to the Art Institute so you can see that Midwesterners have a little class," she said and pretended to spit on the floor. 

They didn't walk far before they were standing in front of the green statues at the entrance to the museum. "When the sports teams do really well, they outfit the lions in helmets or caps," Veronica told Logan. "It doesn't happen often, unfortunately."

Veronica knew the entry fee into the museum was expensive, but she wanted to pay for both of them as she had for lunch. Logan was her guest and she wanted to treat him as such. Logan wouldn't think twice about paying any of the costs for the day. If Veronica had been alone, she would have packed a sandwich and visited during free hours. After checking their coats, they split up to use the restrooms in the basement. Logan was leaning against the wall when she exited the bathroom. As she approached him, she took her phone out of her pocket. "My friends are meeting at 6:00 at an Irish pub in my neighborhood. Do you still want to meet them?"

"Sure," Logan said. "Sounds good." He hadn't told Veronica that he didn't drink alcohol anymore. He wasn't in a program and didn't consider himself an alcoholic. He was aware, however, that he made poor choices when he imbibed and he wanted his days of bad decisions to be behind him. 

They toured the art museum for several hours looking at Veronica's favorite rooms and paintings. When Veronica took him to the Thorne Miniature Rooms area, Logan chuckled at how her condo wasn't much bigger than the tiny English rooms on display. Logan was impressed with the vast collection, and he was surprised to know how much culture Chicago offered. Veronica had told him about going to the Lyric Opera and to the Joffrey Ballet in emails she had sent. Logan could understand why she liked living there. 

After three hours in the museum, Veronica confessed to Logan that she was on overload and was ready to head back home. She suggested they take the bus home and look in the stores near her house. Logan hesitated and said, "I'd love to see your neighborhood, but I'm exhausted. Any chance we could just go back and relax?" 

"Who needs a nap in the middle of the afternoon? From what I've heard, it's mainly old men." Veronica gave him a sideways glance and led him towards the bus stop. "Got your card?" Veronica flashed him her silver card and smirked at him. 

Veronica noticed that Logan was quiet on the bus. When she looked at him, he had his eyes closed and she wondered if he was sleeping. She felt vibrant and energized, but she wouldn't complain about a chance to go back and check in with work. She knew this was one of her problems. She was addicted to her devices and her work. 

**********

Logan was sprawled on Veronica's couch with the remote control in his hand on his chest. Veronica was curled in the chair near the windows with her computer in her lap. She had her phone charging but had silenced it in case Logan fell asleep. Although she couldn't see his face, his chest moved rhythmically and he hadn't changed the channel for almost an hour. She remembered the last time she watched daytime TV was when she had the flu, and today she hoped she would be able to see _Jeopardy_ while returning her emails. Instead, she was forced to watch both the local and national news.

She didn't want to wake Logan by taking the remote out of his hand, but she didn't know how much more of the depressing news she could take. _Why didn't they ever report uplifting stories?_ She put her laptop on the table beside her and sneaked over to the couch. She tried to slip the remote out of his grasp, but he wrapped his arms around her instead and pulled her down on top of him. "Mm, that's what was missing," he said huskily. "Keep me warm, Veronica." He kept his eyes closed, and pulled her tighter to his chest. 

"Logan, I just want to grab the remote. You don't have to wake up. Just let me switch channels and I'll go back to my laptop." 

"You can be my laptop," he said and pretended to type on Veronica's back. Logan opened his eyes and noticed it was much darker in the room. "What time is it?" 

"It's almost 6:00. I didn't mean to wake you, but we should think about going pretty soon, if you're still up for it." 

"Are these my choices? You on top of me or going out with your friends? I think I'll choose you like this."

Veronica wiggled away from him. "You're terrible. I'll be 10, maybe 15 minutes in the bathroom, so you can stay on the couch until then." She stood up and went in the other room and closed the door. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, but she didn't bother putting on makeup. Being outside earlier in the day had given her face a reddish glow, and she didn't want to spoil the look. She kept her hair down because it was easier to wear her hat when it wasn't in a ponytail. 

"All yours," she said to Logan as she went to the kitchen for a glass of water. She heard him mutter when he got off the couch. "First you need a nap and then you groan when you get up from said nap. You're not doing a very good job convincing me I should stop with the old man references," she yelled into the living room. She heard the bathroom door close and laughed thinking how hilarious she was. She wasn't convinced Logan thought she was funny.


	3. March 16 (Friday Night)

The Grafton was one of Veronica's favorite pubs in Chicago. It was a bonus that it was in her neighborhood. She worried it would be hectic with the holiday, but her coworkers had decided to go there to lure her out with them. Veronica had not mentioned much about Logan's visit to her friends. She had told Jackson that she had a friend from school visiting and had been vague on purpose. It was 6:30 before they made it to the bar, and her friends were gathered in a circle of couches and chairs. 

Veronica made her way to the group and took off her hat and coat. She introduced Logan to them as her "friend from high school." Logan was surprised to see how diverse the group was. There was a woman in a headscarf, a Latina, two African Americans, and a white man and woman. Logan thought back to the breakfast conversation at his condo and began to realize why Veronica was interested in the diversity of his squadron. She surrounded herself with the variety of the country. He had to admit his small circle of friends remained primarily white men. 

Veronica wanted a drink, so she and Logan walked to the bar. The redhead behind the bar said, "What're you having tonight, Veronica?"

"The usual, Sean. Pint of Magners. Thanks," she said to the bartender. "Busy weekend for you, huh?" Sean acknowledged her question with a nod of his head and poured her cider into a glass. "What do you want, Logan?"

"Coke." Logan didn't elaborate on his choice, but Veronica knew at some point she would ask him why she'd hadn't seen him have a beer. Logan asked the direction of the restrooms and said he would be right back. As he returned, Veronica was leaning on the bar, but she was talking to a tall, attractive man. She had her head tilted at a slight angle and was biting on her lower lip as he was talking to her. She took a sip of her cider and then laughed at something the man said to her. He bent down and whispered in her ear, and they briefly squeezed each other's hands. Logan walked back, stood next to her, and put his hand on her lower back. 

"Oh, hey," she said turning to look at him. "Logan, this is Jacks. He used to be my neighbor a couple of years ago. He lives in Atlanta now." Logan was taken by Jackson's unique features and wondered about his ethnicity. He wasn't sure he should be thinking about such a thing and there was no way he would ask. 

"Nice to meet you, man," Jackson said and stuck his hand out to shake with Logan. "Ixa tells me you know each other from California." 

"Ixa?"

"That's me," Veronica admitted. "That's what Jacks calls me because we were trying to come up with a rhyme for Veronica. When it didn't work, we switched to 'Ica' which eventually became 'Ixa'. Confusing, right?" She smiled at Jackson thinking about the fun they had had as he took his instructor's challenge to write a song with her name in it. They had ended the exercise naked on her living room floor with Jackson chanting "Ixa" in rhythm with their fused bodies. Veronica remembered knowing in that moment that if she didn't love Jacks it was as close as she could probably feel any more. 

"And Veronica's the only one who can get away with calling me Jacks. Otherwise I hate it. People think it's with an "x" and it sounds like some kind of frat bro name." He looked again at Logan. "No offense, man."

"None taken." 

"But I had to go with Jacks," Veronica continued. "It rhymes with 'facts'." Logan didn't understand why they needed to have things rhyme and he couldn't imagine what rhymed with Ixa. He thought it might have been easier to rhyme with V or Ronnie. 

Logan could tell by the way Jackson ghosted Veronica's arm when she was telling the rhyming story that the two had history, and he was quite sure it was more than as just neighbors. He realized he wasn't the only ex-boyfriend trying to step back into Veronica's life. By their easy rapport, he assumed they had not ended on the unfriendly terms he and Veronica had, but knowing how most relationships end he thought there must have been some fallout from their breakup. 

"I'm hungry again," Veronica said. She turned to Logan and asked if they should get food for the table. 

"Order what you think everybody'd like. Let me get this," he said and pulled his credit card from his wallet. "You've bought everything today already." Veronica gave him a tentative look. "I'm sure, Veronica. Put the whole tab on it. You know I don't care." 

Veronica walked to the other side of the bar to order some appetizers for her friends. Logan was left standing with Jackson. "So you and Ixa know each other from school in California? Was that when she went to Hearst?"

"We went to Hearst together the first year, but we've known each other since we were kids," he was beginning to wonder if Veronica had ever mentioned him to Jackson. _Had he meant so little to her that she didn't include his name in conversations?_ It was disheartening to realize she may have pulled him from her stories and memories. "And you were neighbors with Ronnie," he said more statement than question, wondering if they were in a battle over nicknames. 

"Yeah, yeah. We used to live a couple blocks from each other. We met at Old Town just a few doors from here. We were both taking music classes, different classes, but we saw each other there a lot." He took a swig of his beer and then stated, "Not to make things uncomfortable, but Ixa and I used to date. I'm not trying to make a thing out of it, but you should know. Honesty, you know, man." 

"Honesty, huh? Well, then I guess you should know that Veronica and I used to date, too." 

"Cool. As long as there are no hard feelings, everything's great. Hey, if you knew Veronica back in the day does that mean you know Wallace too?"

"How do you know Wallace?" Logan was starting to feel strange about the turn in the conversation. 

"We met when he was in Chicago visiting Veronica and his dad," he said matter-of-factly. "Wallzy is great, man. I miss hangin' with him. You see him often? I know he's still in California. We texted the other day." 

"Wallace was more Veronica's friend than my friend," he said still stunned that Jackson knew Veronica's friends from home. 

"I bet you know Mac and Keith, too, right? Keith and Veronica came to my parents' for Thanksgiving a couple of times." Again, Logan was taken aback by his connection to Veronica's world in California but particularly to him calling Veronica's dad by his first name. 

"I'm in touch with Mac, but I don't see Mr. Mars much. We have a complicated history," Logan admitted. "It's so odd that you know people from Veronica's life in California." 

Veronica made her way back to the two men. "You didn't let anyone mess with my cider, did you, guys?" 

"Definitely no drink tampering. We were just talking about how many of your California friends Jackson knows," Logan said quietly. 

"Right, right," Veronica said looking between the two men. She knew Jacks well enough not to worry about him getting involved in a tense situation with Logan. She wasn't as sure as to how Logan reacted these days. "Why don't we go sit with the gang? They'll bring the food to us. You're definitely joining us, right, Jacks?" 

**********

The three of them made their way to the circle of friends and found seats scattered throughout the group. Logan sat next to the woman with the headscarf. He turned to her and said, "I'm Logan, but I don't think I caught your name."

"Aisha," she answered with a smile. "You're Veronica's childhood friend? Did you, like, reconnect on Facebook or something?" 

"No. Is Veronica on Facebook?" Logan was sure he had checked periodically throughout the years trying to find pictures of her or hints about her life. 

"Doubtful," Aisha said with a laugh. "If she is, she probably uses an alias. She tries to keep her information pretty tight, to say the least. Good thing I know some tricks that will get her to part with some of her secrets." She took a taste of her clear drink and asked, "What do you do, Logan?"

"Oh, um, I'm a pilot," he stammered. He suddenly felt uncomfortable talking about where he had just been flying. He was normally proud to tell people about his career. 

"Commercial or private?" 

Logan grabbed his Coke and took a drink and nodded and raised his eyebrows but didn't reply. "And you work with Veronica?" He asked trying to take the focus off of him. 

A server delivered hummus, curry fries, a meat and cheese tray, chicken strips, and two mini apple pies. She took another order for drinks and Logan made sure she put the tab on his card. 

"We've known each other since undergrad. We were both journalism majors and got involved with the project at the same time." She paused and filled a plate with hummus and fries. "Frites dipped in hummus. Veronica knows it's my weakness." She ate a few more and smiled. Logan understood how she and Veronica had bonded. "I double majored in French and journalism, but I have my Ph.D. in French literature. I teach at Northwestern now, so Veronica and I get together on campus as much as our schedules allow."

Logan was taken with how she pronounced Veronica's name with a French accent. "Are you from Chicago?" Logan asked hoping she wasn't going to say she was from the Middle East. He wasn't sure he wanted to spend the night having a conversation about his involvement in what was happening there. 

"Toronto and Montreal. My parents were divorced and I shuttled between the two," she said. "Have you been to either?"

That was not the answer he had been expecting. "No, I've heard there's a great jazz festival in Montreal. Do you get back to Canada often?"

"Unfortunately, teaching takes up most of my time, even in the summer. I did convince Veronica and Jackson to go back with me a couple of years ago. Are you friends with Jackson?"

"I just met him tonight. Seems nice." Logan couldn't think of anything else to say about Veronica's ex-boyfriend. 

"He is. He's great. I gave my stamp of approval to their relationship. He made her smile, and she deserves some lightness. Her job can be dark and stressful." Aisha dipped more fries in the hummus and smiled again. "Since you've known Veronica so long, she's probably told you about most of the guys she's dated." She paused but Logan just shook his head. "Let me tell you, I've had a front row seat to each and every one of them. Good and bad. Mainly bad, but don't tell her I said that. Dr. Carter, the heart surgeon, was the worst. Honestly, thought he was God, not a god, but God. And insisted on being called Dr. Carter, even by his girlfriend. Must have been a nightmare in bed. She was with him way too long." She stopped talking and took a drink. "She'd never admit it, but I think she brings her dates by for my approval. Not many get it." She smiled, and Logan wondered if it was his turn to be evaluated. "If I was a psychiatrist, I might believe she intentionally chooses relationships she knows won't last." 

"It's nice you look out for her. Until recently, we'd been out of touch for the last 10 years," Logan said, sadly realizing again how much they had missed in each of their lives. "We bumped into each other about 6 months ago in California." 

"Veronica is one of my favorite people in the world. She's loyal, tough, determined, giving, but her unwavering focus can also be intimidating and even cold at times." She looked across the room at her friend. "I wouldn't give up my friendship with her for anything." She turned to look at Logan again and he wondered if she knew more about their relationship than he thought she could. 

Logan looked at Veronica talking to three people, including Jackson. He noted how she leaned over Jackson to talk to the other woman. She easily put her hand on Jackson's leg and he put his arm around her shoulders. They looked comfortable and carefree and smiled and laughed. She was in her element and the people surrounding her were her squadron. 

********** 

As the night progressed, friends started to leave, and Logan took a seat next to Veronica. It was after 11:00 when Veronica noticed the exhaustion in Logan's face. She announced they needed to leave and hugged those of her friends still remaining at the bar. They bundled into their coats and headed out into the cool night air. "Thanks for buying the food and drinks. You didn't need to do that, but it was really nice."

"You're welcome. Glad to do it," he watched Veronica dig in her purse for her hat and slip it on. He put his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him and wrapped her arm around his waist. "It was nice meeting your friends. They seem loyal to you." 

Veronica laughed. "Yeah, I never thought about it like that before, but I guess they are. Many of us are transplants to Chicago, so we're pretty tight. We try to keep an eye on each other." 

Veronica untangled from Logan and unlocked the doors to her building. Logan took the stairs two at a time and Veronica followed behind pulling herself up with the use of the railing. She scolded herself for having that third pint of cider. Veronica unlocked the deadbolt and dreaded the next inevitable conversation. She took off her coat and stood with the door open to the closet. "I'll just sleep on the couch. It's pretty comfortable." 

"Really, Veronica? I think we're both adult enough to be able to spend the night together in the same bed. I promise I won't do anything unwanted. You can still trust me."

"Well, where's the fun in that?" Veronica laughed. "If you don't think it would be too weird, then that's cool. The couch is fine for naps or a few nights now and again, but it's not great several nights in a row." She walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She could hear Logan moving around in the other rooms. They may be adults, but she still thought it could be awkward sleeping next to each other. They hadn't done that since they were in college. 

She tidied up the kitchen and then the living room before heading into the bedroom. Logan was already in bed with his eyes closed. She could see he was wearing a gray t-shirt with NAVY written on the front. She began plotting how to steal the shirt from him before he left. She opened her dresser and removed a cotton camisole and a pair of plaid flannel sleep shorts. She headed to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth. 

When she returned, she flipped off the bedroom light and tucked herself under the covers. It didn't feel right. She always slept on the other side of the bed, but then she realized her side of the bed would smell like Logan after he left. She knew Logan was exhausted, so she didn't expect them to have a conversation. They were both lying on their backs and Logan had his right arm folded under his head. "Thanks for a great day, Veronica."

"It was pretty nice, wasn't it," she said quietly. "I'm glad you're here, Logan."

Logan hooked his arm through Veronica's and laced his fingers with hers. Veronica rolled to her right and held on to Logan's arm like she was dangling from a rope and was afraid of falling. She rested her head on his shoulder. Logan adjusted his position so he could use his right hand to stroke her hair. Logan had spent so many nights in the last six months, the last 10 years really, dreaming about sleeping next to Veronica. It didn't seem possible it was actually happening. 

"I know you said you wouldn't do anything unwanted, but what if I don't know what I want?" Veronica was speaking softly trying to organize her thoughts as they came to her. "I know I want you to kiss me again. I know I want to rub my hands on what looks to be a very strong chest. I know I'm really looking forward to waking up in the same bed with you. What do you want?"

"I want it all, Veronica. I want you back in my life. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to have crazy-good, mind-blowing sex with you. But I haven't figured out how we can make it work or if you're ready for all of that yet. We know how hard it is for us to make a relationship work, and, at the best of times, we live half a country apart and, at the worst of times, we live half a world apart."

"Maybe we could just have the crazy-good, mind-blowing sex and then see where this thing takes us," Veronica suggested with a laugh. 

"I don't think that will work for us," Logan replied with a sigh. "You have relationships with men, not relations. Until we can figure out how we can do this again, if we both decide we want to get involved again, we have take it slowly. Try not to hurt each other. Tell each other what we expect from the other person." 

"That sounds like a lot of work. Can't we just jump to the sex part?" Veronica chuckled and looked up at him. "Why is it so much easier to talk to someone in the dark?" There was a pause before Logan spoke again. Veronica wondered if he was falling asleep. 

"Veronica, why does it seem like none of your friends here have ever heard about me?"

"I don't talk about things that happened before I came to Chicago." 

"But you must have mentioned me in some of the stories you've told over the years. When you talk about Lilly, don't you talk about me, about the four of us?"

"I've never told these friends that I knew Lilly."

"How can you not tell them something like that? Her murder was traumatic. It shaped you into who you are today. If you don't want to tell people we dated, that's fine, but not talking about your best friend dying, that's just strange." 

"I left that life in California."

"It's not like some leprechaun just dumped you in Chicago. Don't you think one of them might have googled you at some point?"

"Maybe they have, but they've never told me they know about my life before coming here. I'm pretty sure that Wallace and Mac never mentioned anything about Lilly to Jackson, so he wouldn't have made that connection." 

"You can't pretend the first 20 years of your life didn't happen. I happened. We happened. If we hadn't been so young and messed up, we might have been able to make it work. Despite all the shit we went through, we loved each other. Maybe we loved each other too much when we were too young." Logan took a deep breath. "I don't know if we can be friends again," he admitted. 

"I thought you were the one who wanted to be friends. You knocked on my door, not the other way around. If you didn't want this, why are you here?"

"I do want it, Veronica. I want it desperately, but I'm not convinced we can do it. There's a big difference between wanting something and being able to make it happen. And we both have to want this for there to even be a chance."

"So, convince me. Make me see why it's important for us to be together again. We know we can live without each other. We've been doing just fine for the last 10 years."

"Is 'just fine' the way you want to lead your life? It's not how I want to end each day thinking the day was just fine. I don't think it's wanting too much in life to hope for heart-stopping love. I know it won't be easy. In fact, I don't know if it's even going to be possible, but shouldn't we be willing to try even if it's going to be difficult?" Logan had always been better about expressing his feelings and it had often made Veronica uncomfortable watching him be so open. Over the years, it had become even more difficult for her to put herself on display. 

"We had heart-stopping love and it didn't work. Shouldn't we know when to cut our losses and move on to other things?" Veronica said quietly. 

"We're not kids any more. We've been with enough other people to know what we want and don't want in relationships. When I'm with other women, I wonder if you would approve of them and I wonder why they aren't more like you. When I earned my wings, it was you I wanted to celebrate with. When I came back after months at sea, I wanted to be able to touch you. You are in the back of my mind every day. Maybe I'm still trying to prove to you that I'm good enough for you. Who knows, maybe we try this and we realize what we had then was pretty bad and there was a reason we went our separate ways. And, you're right. We can definitely live without each other, and we can probably have good lives. Hell, we could probably even marry other people and tell ourselves it was what we wanted and what each of us wanted for the other."

"You compare other people to me? Why would you do that? I have been messed up for years, and I was a shitty girlfriend most of the time. I expected more from you than I did other people. I was constantly questioning the decisions you made. Most of the time, I assumed the worst about you. You didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. You loved me, and I took advantage of that. I fucked up so many times and proved that I didn't deserve you." 

"I'm pretty sure I was the one who fucked up so many times, not you. Are you rewriting our history?" Logan stopped to think before continuing. "Veronica, we don't have many chances left to get this right. Whether it was fate or just some fucked up coincidence that brought us together so many years ago, we smashed into each other and we left indentations on each other. I don't think they were scars as much as it was imprinting."

Veronica looked up and they locked eyes for several seconds. She didn't know what to say to him. She'd spent years reading, writing, and studying words, and she had none to give to him. All she wanted in that moment was for Logan to kiss her with the same intensity he had at the airport in California. She wanted to stop thinking and start feeling again. She wanted him to make everything with them fine. Better than just fine. Heart-stopping. Eventually, he looked away without kissing her. "Good night, Veronica," Logan said before rolling onto his side away from her.


	4. March 17 (Saturday)

"Veronica?" Confusion.

"Veronica." Concern.

"Veronica." Annoyance.

"Ver.on.ic.a." Full on pissed off. 

Until she heard her name said with either desire or immediacy, she didn't see the point of waking up or responding. 

"Veronica. What the fuck is that noise?" Emergency, unfortunately not lust.

"Mm, what noise?" She was lying on her stomach with her head turned away from Logan, but her arm was over his chest. She turned her head and slowly opened her eyes to look at him. Her head hurt and there was a strange sound circling around her. "Who the fuck is ringing my buzzer at, what time is it?" She looked at the clock and saw it was almost 7:00. They should be have been up already. 

She felt Logan squeeze her hand before pushing it aside. He rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. Veronica stumbled over to the window and avoided burning her leg on the radiator. She flung open the window and looked down to the stoop below. "Who's ringing my buzzer?"

"Yo, V. Surprise!" The voices rose through the chilly morning air. What was happening? If she didn't know better, she would think those voices belonged to her best friends. "V. it's Mac and Wallace. Let us in. It's freezing out here." 

"Just a minute," she yelled down. She closed the window and scampered out of the bedroom. She stood with her back glued to the front door looking ahead at the closed bathroom door. She tapped the fingers on her right hand in the air. Logan emerged and stared at her. 

"What?" He looked at her eyes wide and frenzied. 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How was she going to deal with this?_

"Mac and Wallace are downstairs. I swear, Logan, I had no idea they were coming to visit. And I didn't tell either of them you would be here. What the fuck am I going to do?" 

"Let them in, I guess," Logan shrugged. He reached up and yawned and Veronica could see the muscles in his abdomen as his shirt went above his waistband. "You may not have told Mac I was visiting, but Dick knew I'd be here." 

"So? So what are you saying?" She was shaking her head slightly and scrunching her eyes together trying to process how that could be relevant to the current state of crisis. 

"Mac may have heard from Dick that I was here."

"Why would Mac talk to Dick?"

Logan looked at her like she had lost her ability to reason during the night. He spoke slowly. "Because Mac and Dick, you know, get together." 

"What are you talking about?"

"You know. They hook up sometimes."

"That can't possibly be true," Veronica spit out, and Logan looked at her. 

"How do you call her your best friend when you seem to know nothing about her?"

"Fuck me." 

"I think we established last night that wasn't a good idea."

Veronica growled and buzzed Mac and Wallace in the double doors while Logan walked into the kitchen to make coffee. He was starving and wondered what Veronica had to eat for breakfast. He opened the refrigerator door but didn't see anything promising. He found some orange juice and milk, but there was only 1 egg left in the carton. In one of the cupboards was a stale cherry Pop-Tart. "Fuck no," Logan said grimly under his breath. 

Veronica opened her front door and Mac and Wallace jumped over the threshold. "What the hell are you doing here?" She said hugging each of them. She was trying to sound elated rather than frustrated. 

"Did we get you up, Bond?" Mac said smiling. "We took the red eye so we could surprise you and party with lots of green beer."

"Jackson texted me and said he'd be here this weekend," Wallace said. "I haven't seen you and him in way too long, so I convinced Mac to hop on a flight. Don't worry. We're staying with my dad, so we won't be interrupting you." Wallace looked around and saw through the open bedroom door that the bed was a mess and there was a duffel bag on the floor. "Like I said," he winked at her, "we aren't here to interrupt."

Logan walked out of the kitchen. "Wallace. Mac. What a surprise." 

"Hey, Logan," Mac said kindly, hiding her surprise, and walked over to give him a hug. "I hadn't heard you'd be in Chicago this weekend." Veronica didn't know if Mac was hinting that Veronica hadn't told her the news or if Dick hadn't. "How was the deployment? I heard you were back. Still exhausted?" Logan nodded. 

Wallace didn't say anything, but he kept looking between Logan, Veronica, and Mac. Finally he said turning to Veronica, "We're going to my dad's to sleep off the flight. We'll text you when we're ready to meet up. See ya." He turned and left. Mac stood in the hallway a little longer and then shrugged her shoulders and followed him. 

"What just happened?" Veronica said aloud. 

"Wallace doesn't like it that I'm sleeping in your bed and not Jackson. Does that really need to be explained to you?" Logan let out a sigh and walked back towards the bedroom. "I need a shower and something to eat. Why don't you have any food?" 

Veronica watched him pull clothes from his bag. "This was not the way this day was supposed to start. I went from my warm bed next to you to three people being pissed off at me in 10 minutes. Seriously, how did this happen?" 

"Maybe if you tried being a little more honest, your friends wouldn't get so pissed," Logan barked. He walked past her and closed the door before stepping into her converted clawfoot bathtub. 

**********

As Logan made his way out of the bathroom, Veronica was coming out of the kitchen. "I made you a ham and cheese omelet and toast. They're on the table for you. It should still be hot. If not, pop it in the microwave for a few seconds." There was no fancy warming oven in Veronica's vintage kitchen. 

"Did you go to the store while I was in there?" Logan didn't think he had been in the shower that long although he did stand under the hot water longer than usual thinking back to last night's conversation, this morning's surprise encounter, and Jackson's presence even when he wasn't physically in the room. Veronica was still wearing what she had on in bed, so it seemed unlikely she had ventured outside.

"I had all the ingredients. Instead of getting annoyed with me, just try asking. The cheese and ham are in the freezer along with the bread. I keep my $8 farmers' market eggs in the crisper so I don't mix them up with the cheap eggs I use for baking."

"You keep eggs in a crisper? Where do you keep your vegetables?"

"What are vegetables? Seriously, Logan, just because it's not the way you do something, doesn't mean it's the wrong way to do it. Help yourself to breakfast. It's my turn in the shower." Veronica was pissed at Logan, but she was softened by his walking around with just a towel around his waist. She chastised herself for being shallow about his good looks and wanting to caress his abs. 

Logan knew that Veronica was right. He had snapped at her unnecessarily. He was disappointed that he had to split their time first with Jackson and her friends and now with Wallace and Mac. This was supposed to be a time for them to be together to test how they could get along for a few days. He had just told her last night that they had to figure out how to interact without hurting each other. He knew he was wrong, but he didn't feel like apologizing. He was too hungry to be bothered with it. 

He wolfed down the breakfast Veronica had made and realized it wasn't just hunger that was bothering him. He was jealous that he had to share Veronica, and he wondered if she was looking for ways for them not to be alone together. It was a good thing he was staying with her. At the very least, they would be alone again tonight. In Veronica's bed. Lying next to each other. He had longed to kiss her last night, but he didn't want them to fall into the same patterns they had before. When they couldn't work out problems they had fought to the death or fallen into bed. He knew they both had to be better than before. 

When Veronica came into the kitchen, he sighed. "OK, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I guess I'm just annoyed that our time together is being taken up by your friends. Is there anyone else in your life who might just be dropping in? Your dad isn't hiding on the back stairs, is he?" 

"Look, I asked you if you wanted to spend time with my friends and you said yes. You could have said no. That would have been fine. I had no idea Mac and Wallace would show up here today. As for Jackson, well, I don't have a good excuse for that. I have to admit I wanted to see him. The fact that he happened to be in Chicago when you were going to be here was a coincidence. I'm doing the best I can here, Logan. Cut me some slack while I try to handle all these people. You know I'm used to living alone. This much face-to-face time with people is an anomaly for me and I'm out of sorts. Have you forgotten that I'm a natural misanthrope?" 

Logan stood up and walked over to where Veronica was standing. He put his arms around her and said softly, "I am sorry. I don't want to ruin any more of our time together with bickering about meaningless shit. I'm jealous, and I'm sorry."

Veronica looked up at him. She still had the same feeling she did last night in bed. She wanted him to kiss her and make things better. If he asked her right now to skip the dying of the river and to crawl back into bed with him she knew her answer would be yes. He didn't ask, and he didn't kiss her. Instead he let go of her and she told him it was time to leave if they wanted to make it downtown in time to watch the crazy orange dye turn the Chicago River St. Patrick's Day green. 

"Just because this is hard doesn't mean it's impossible," she said to herself as she closed her coat. 

**********

They walked towards the el stop because Veronica thought it would be easier than going by bus on the busy morning. The el was farther from her home than the bus stop so they had time to talk. "Is Mac really sleeping with Dick?" Veronica asked quietly, hoping if she said it in whispers it wouldn't be true. 

"That's a conversation you need to have with Mac, not with me," Logan evaded. "But why do you care who Mac sleeps with. She's a great person. She's smart, funny, kind, attractive. And she's an adult and can do whatever she wants."

"Wait a minute," Veronica stopped walking. "You think Mac's hot? Does that mean? You and Mac? You haven't?" Veronica was sputtering out incomplete thoughts. 

"God, Veronica, no I haven't fucked Mac. And here's some advice. When you do talk to Mac about this don't be so fucking judgmental and don't start by asking her if she fucked your ex-boyfriend. Figure out how to have a real conversation with her."

"You don't have to get so upset. It was just a simple question."

"No, it wasn't. Do you really think I would mess around with Mac knowing your relationship? And do you think Mac would do that to you? You claim she's your best friend, so do you think your best friend would do that to you?"

"I slept with my best friend's ex-boyfriend."

"Well, I don't think the same rules apply when a murder is involved." Logan tried to calm himself even though he was still offended by her questions. "Not everyone was put on earth to fuck up your life. People care about you, but if you don't treat them with some respect, they'll eventually stop trying. One day, you're going to find yourself all alone if you aren't careful. Or is that what you want?"

"I don't think I've intentionally set out to be alone, but it sucks to be hurt over and over again. Or to hurt people over and over, for that matter. Sometimes it's just better to let relationships slide. I'm not sure Neil Young was right. It's a hell of a lot less painful to fade away rather than explode into flames." 

"It's scary to see you so jaded. You were always cynical, but your current outlook is depressing. It's almost a little unhinged. It makes me want to hold onto you tight so you don't slip away into oblivion. I'm a worried about you, Veronica. Maybe you need to up your visits to your therapist."

They made it to the el stop and boarded the first southbound train downtown. Veronica didn't want to continue the painful conversation with Logan. She didn't cry, but she could feel the sting of his words. They hurt even if they might be true, perhaps because she knew they were true. It was easy to stop talking inside the commuter train. It was packed with early morning revelers and they had to stand. She wondered if she was forcing Logan away with her insecurities, but what she needed to establish was if she was pushing him away on purpose. 

They exited the train and followed the hoards of people onto the street. Logan took Veronica's hand so they wouldn't be separated. Veronica had been to the event enough times to know the best place to see the dye dumped into the river and the boats mix it up as they turned the river a fluorescent green. On her own, she wouldn't have bothered to combat the thousands of people who descended on the river bank for the official start of the holiday, but it was something fun to show visitors. The whole thing was over in less than an hour. 

"Unless you're desperate to watch the parade, let's go to the John Hancock Tower instead. I'm cold and it's a beautiful day to look out over the city. Plus, I have a 2-for-1 coupon," Veronica said. They headed north on Michigan Avenue battling the crowds of people heading south. When they made their way to the observation area, Veronica pointed out Wrigley Field and Navy Pier. "That's where the Shakespeare theater is," she said pointing to the area near the huge Ferris wheel. "I tried to get tickets so we could go to a play while you're here, but they were sold out." She looked in his eyes. "Of course, they're doing _Romeo and Juliet_." She laughed just a little.

"We're not doomed, star-crossed lovers, Veronica. We just have to figure out how to do this again. We aren't going to just fall back into this," Logan said. "But if we don't kill each other, it might be worth the trouble." 

"It's been a tense morning. Let's see if we can go easier on each other the rest of the day," Veronica said. "Lunch? You really should try Chicago pizza while you're here."

**********

Mac texted while they were eating at Lou Malnati's and asked them to meet later in the evening. Logan knew they had no choice but to spend the night with Mac and Wallace since they had flown in just for one night. Veronica said she'd make reservations at Fountainhead at 7:00. Veronica knew Mac loved their selection of scotch. She would leave it up to Wallace to contact Jackson if he wanted him to be part of the night. 

Veronica suggested they walk to the Newberry Library to see an exhibit about Chicago novelists of the 20th Century. Throughout lunch and as they walked to the library, Veronica rambled about Chicago history and trivia. She was afraid of silence between them and even more afraid where honest conversations might lead. "So that's why the Cubs haven't won a World Series in a century. It's all about the goat." She was hoping there would be plenty of signs in the exhibit to keep them occupied without her having to remember other Chicago facts planted somewhere in the back of her brain. 

It was still cool and sunny when they left the library. "It's such a nice day. Why don't we walk for awhile. We can hop on a bus when we get tired," Veronica suggested. 

Logan wouldn't have called the crisp day "nice." In fact, he thought it was downright cold. He should have brought a heavier coat. "How about we walk until we get tired and then take a cab?" Veronica looked at him with shock in her eyes. "What is it with you and public transportation? I know you don't have stock in a government agency." 

Veronica shook her head and laughed. "Just my practical side." They walked for a block before Veronica spoke again. "Do you ever wonder if you made the right decision about joining the navy?"

"All the time," Logan admitted. "When I'm deployed, I hate being away except when I'm flying. When I'm home, I hate every day I'm not out flying missions." He waited to see if Veronica would respond, but she didn't. "I really love to fly. It's the greatest feeling ever." He put his arm on Veronica's shoulder. "Or at least one of the greatest feelings," he said softly. "I can't imagine giving it up."

"Don't you worry that something will go wrong? How do you stay calm?"

"I chew a lot of gum," he smiled and dropped his arm from her shoulder. "I don't think about what will go wrong. I think about how to do things right every time." 

"Is that kind of like a glass half full or half empty? Thinking about doing something wrong versus doing it right?"

"Probably. I suppose it's a state of mind. There's a lot of bullshit and bureaucracy in the military, and that can get pretty tedious. But being able to fly is worth all the other stuff. Do you wonder if you made the right decision about coming to Chicago?"

"No, I never question that. I wanted to go to Northwestern, so I set the goal and I achieved it. I wanted to work at the justice project and I did it. Set a goal. Accomplish the goal. In between, do what needs to be done to get there. Don't look back, just look forward. Again, that's just practical." 

"So what's got you questioning things? It's obvious something's going on in your head."

"I feel like I've come to a point where I have to decide what's next. I could go to law school. I've already taken the LSAT. It's probably the practical thing to do, but I don't really want to be a lawyer. I'm convinced if I decide to do it, I'll jump in full force. That's what I do with jobs. I work 12-hour days because that's what I know. I dedicate myself to school or carreer and don't look back. I'm beginning to wonder, though, if there's more to life than this. The problem I'm having is that I don't know what the next step is, and that terrifies me. I don't have another goal."

"Do you want to stay in Chicago?"

"I don't know. I love it here. I basically grew up here. I went from being a young woman to a full-fledged adult in Chicago. This is the only place I've lived as an adult. Anywhere else I go will be starting over. I'd have to make new friends, new connections, take time to learn where the fun neighborhoods are. Most people my age, our age, have spouses and kids and their own friends. It's hard to start over when other people are so established in their own lives."

"You could come back to California."

"I've thought about it. My dad's getting older, and I worry about leaving him alone. I mean, I know he has friends and his job and other people to keep an eye on him, but I'm his only daughter. That's what daughters are supposed to do. They take care of their aging parents, and if they can't or don't want to, they hire people to do it. God, he'd hate it if he knew I thought about whether I'm going to have to put him in a nursing home some day." 

"Your dad and I don't have the greatest history, but if it would make you feel better, I could check on him now and again." Logan hoped she wouldn't take him up on his offer and he suddenly realized there were more than two people to consider when planning their future. "On the plus side, you wouldn't have to find new friends if you came back home."

"But I don't really feel like it's home any more. That's one of the problems. I've been gone so long that I'm not sure I belong there. I'm not sure I ever belonged there, to be honest. It wasn't like I was the homecoming queen or voted best personality. After Lilly died, all I could ever think about was getting the hell away as fast as I could. Do I want to go back to a place I was so desperate to leave?"

"Maybe you need to figure out why you wanted to leave so badly."

"That doesn't take much thought. Life was fucked up and I didn't know how to make it right. I banished myself to another part of the country as my punishment."

"Do you really think anything you did was worse than what the rest of us did? I'm sure you can come up with a few memories of when your friends messed up," he said sarcastically. "Even Mac did some pretty fucked up things. She's just quieter about it so she got away with shit easier than we did." 

Veronica noticed they had already walked through Old Town and were almost to the Lincoln Park Zoo. She hadn't intended to walk so far or talk so much, but if felt good to do both. "Want to cut through the zoo as long as we're here? Don't worry. It's tiny compared to the one in San Diego and it's free."

Logan was tired and cold, but he liked listening to Veronica open up to him. He worried that if they went back to her place, she would stop talking. "How can we pass up a free tourist attraction? You've just about bled me dry with all the extravagant spending so far this weekend." 

"Are you calling me cheap? Because if I didn't know better, I could almost hear some snark in your voice."

"So you're opposed to the word cheap. Would you prefer budget, stingy, down-market, cut-rate, low-end? Any of these ring true?" 

"We weren't all born with an Oscar as a crib toy."

"And you should be grateful you weren't." Since they entered the zoo at the south end, they made their way to the African ape house. Veronica wanted to see if there were any newborns. 

"These baby gorillas are the most adorable things I've ever seen. I want to stick my head next to them and have them latch on for dear life." Veronica knelt down next to the glass. "You're so cute, aren't you, pretty baby?" 

"I'm pretty sure they don't speak English plus I don't think they can hear you through the glass." Logan couldn't resist pulling out his phone and taking a picture of Veronica with her fingers next to the tiny gorilla's hand with only glass separating them. After 10 minutes of Veronica having one-sided conversations with the apes, they eventually pulled themselves out of the building and back into the cold air. 

"If it were warmer, we could go on the carousel. Have I ever told you I love carousels?" Veronica asked as she led them to the other end of zoo. They walked through the park and past the conservatory. As she pointed inside the flower house she said, "This is a great place to spend time when it's snowy and freezing. The tropical air makes you believe spring will come again."

"Or you could just live in California and not have to deal with snow and cold."

"Oh, is that snark I hear again? I'm beginning to think you may not be having the time of your life." 

"Really? _Dirty Dancing_? OK. I'll bite. Let's 'go back to your playpen, Baby'." 

"Definitely, but only because you have _Hungry Eyes_. " Veronica turned and hailed the first cab she saw. 

**********

It was exhausting being a tourist. Logan wondered if he should have waited to visit Veronica until he had recovered from the deployment, but he had been so anxious to see her. He hoped she couldn't tell how wiped he felt, but it was next to impossible to stay awake during the cab ride. Veronica unlocked and they took off their coats. "I know you're going to make some snide remark about me being old, but I've got to lie down for awhile." 

"I'll give you a pass this one time. Take the bed. The down comforter will be toasty warm." Logan walked towards the bathroom and Veronica headed to the kitchen. "Want something to drink? Or eat?" She didn't hear his answer as the door to the bathroom closed. Veronica poured herself a glass of water from the Brita pitcher. All she really wanted to do was wash her hands two times before she did anything else. When she walked out of the kitchen, she could see Logan under the covers. She went to the couch and turned on her laptop. She heard her phone chime quietly indicating a text. 

_It's warm under the covers. Don't you want to be old with me?_

Veronica chuckled softly but didn't respond to his text. She knew he'd be asleep before she could even type an answer. Instead, she curled up with her laptop on the couch. She bypassed her email account and started working on the song lyrics she was trying to finish. Unfortunately, all she could hear in her mind were the songs on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Maybe she'd just pull the blanket over her and close her eyes for a moment to clear her head. 

**********

"Veronica." Warmth. 

"Veronica." Tenderness. 

"Mmm," was the only sound she could get to come out of her body. 

"Veronica." Tired, but that was easy because it was said in a yawn. "Mac texted me when you didn't respond. They're going to be at the bar in 20 minutes." 

"Did I fall asleep?" 

"Appears so and not next to me which is a real bummer."

"Should I change my clothes? I don't think I have time for a shower. Man, it's so dark in here. It seems like midnight, doesn't it?" Veronica got off the couch and walked past Logan. As she did, she ran her hand across his stomach just to make sure he was real. She went to wash her face and brush her teeth. She told herself she should take more time with her appearance. It was a Saturday night in the city and she was going out with three people who cared about her. But she didn't bother. They had loved her at her worst and they'd put up with her tonight no matter how little time she took to do her hair. 

"So you ready for a big night out?" She opened the closet door to retrieve their coats again. "We can walk to Fountainhead. It's only a few blocks from here." 

Logan put his coat on but stopped before closing it. He embraced Veronica and stroked her soft hair. Neither of them said anything. They just felt the warmth of their bodies. Logan let go and they walked out the door.


	5. March 17 (Saturday Night)

"Another night, another bar. Story of my life," Veronica joked. "I've noticed you haven't been drinking. Care to share?"

"Not much to tell, really. I act stupid when I drink, so I stopped drinking. Gave up most of my vices. No smoking, no drinking, no drugs. I'm as clean as I can get these days." 

"So, no blow off a hooker's ass?"

"Not the blow, but who said anything about giving up the hooker's ass." They both laughed. Veronica was reminded how much nicer it was to laugh with Logan than fight with him. 

"Does it bother you to go out and watch other people drink?"

"I practically live with Dick, so I'm used to watching people drink. I don't think I'd feel badly if I had a drink. It's not like I'm in some kind of a program that forbids it. I just gave it up so I'd make better choices. I also have to be on top of my game when I'm flying. There are only so many brain cells I can kill."

"Do you think I drink too much?"

"Uh, not my call, but stop worrying about becoming your mother."

"She ran off after she'd created as much destruction as possible. I believe I did the same thing. Like mother, like daughter."

Logan put his arm around Veronica's shoulders. "We aren't destined to become our parents. I'd hate to think I'm anything like Aaron and you aren't Lianne." As they waited for the crosswalk signal to change, Logan kissed the top of Veronica's head and she put both arms around his waist. The light changed too quickly for Veronica's liking, and they let go of each other to avoid running into oncoming pedestrians wearing green flashing necklaces. 

Mac and Wallace were sitting across from each other waiting for them in a booth. Logan slid in next to Mac and Veronica nudged Wallace's shoulder as she sat next to him. "Papa Bear, what's up? Had a good day? Happy St. Patrick's Day, Ms. Mackenzie. You chucking the Scotch for some Irish whiskey? Gotta show some love to the Irish tonight, right?" 

Wallace didn't let Mac answer. Instead he said, "So, you make it to the parade? Were you covered in shamrock gear?"

"Went to the river, not the parade. Too many people and too cold. You guys go or sleep?"

"Crashed at my dad's. The red eye is a bitch," Wallace said and Veronica nodded at him in agreement. "Like most of the cops, he's working overtime this weekend. Sent him a text to let him know we made it, but I don't think we'll see too much of him. Shame, but that's how it is."

Mac jumped in the conversation and said, "It's insane that we're here. Wallace got this notion and we found tickets on the cheap. Why not? 36 hour mini-vacation. Live a little, right?"

The server approached them and took drink orders and gave them menus for dinner. "Don't know how many veggie options there are, Mac, but I hope there's something for you. I'd hate to think I forced you to drink your dinner."

"Beet salad sounds good."

"Only you would say that," Veronica said. "Never in my life have I said that beets sound good."

Logan watched the dynamics of the three friends talking, and was envious of their shorthand. Mac closed her menu and turned her head towards Logan. "What do you think of the Windy City, Logan? And don't say cold. Not original enough."

Before Logan could answer, the server was back with the drinks and took their dinner order. Veronica couldn't wait to sink her teeth into a thick burger and wash it down with her cider. 

"Bond, you hear about the LSAT results yet?" Mac asked. 

"Um, yeah," Veronica said as she took a drink of cider. She nodded and gave a smile. 

"Do tell."

"Yeah, I did OK. Pretty well, actually."

"Pretty well? Does that mean kick-ass well?"

"Yeah, very well."

"Where you applying?"

"Columbia, Yale, American, UCLA, Berkeley. Maybe Harvard, Stanford, Emory."

"What about..."

"Of course," Veronica said cutting Mac off and raising her hand into a claw. "Go cats." 

"Figured you'd have to."

"They have a great program and I know the profs, but sometimes it looks better if you go to law school at a different place from where you get your undergrad degree." Veronica hesitated. "I'm not convinced human rights is the way to go. Maybe social justice. No money in either field, really, so I might be able to do more good where I am and skip law school all together. Seems crazy to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and not be able to get a job."

"Maybe you should become a nun," Wallace joked. "I hear some nuns are crazy peace activists and there's no tuition." 

"How many of my sins would have to be forgiven to be a nun? And what do they pay?"

"Pay isn't great, but the benefits are awesome. Especially the afterlife ones."

"How's your new gig going, Wallace?" Veronica asked.

"It's only one class. Just testing it to see if I have any interest in teaching. I'm not sure how the semester will go. I thought the students would be more interested in learning than they seem to be." Veronica gave him a strange look. "What? What's with the look?"

"You thought 19-year olds would be kissing your feet to be enlightened about calculus? Do you have no recollection of college?"

"I remember taking my studies very seriously."

"Exception," she said waving her hand at Wallace. "Rule," she said pointing to Logan. 

"How'd I wind up the bad guy in this conversation?" Logan interjected. "Am I the poster boy for college partying?"

"Yes," the others said in unison. 

"Good to know."

The server arrived with 3 burgers and 1 beet salad. "No guilt," Mac said, "but you know an innocent animal was slaughtered so you could eat tonight."

"Nope, no guilt," Veronica said with her mouth full. 

"Logan, you didn't answer how you like Chicago," Mac said while cutting one her beets. 

"Really beautiful. Great architecture. Weird to see so many people on the street in navy uniforms. I forgot that Great Lakes is so close." 

"Is that a navy base?" Mac asked.

"Navy boot camp. Something like 40,000 go there every year."

"It's funny," Veronica noted. "I didn't even notice anyone in uniform when we were downtown. Aren't you supposed to salute each other or something?"

"Actually, they're supposed to lick my boots, but I let it slide this time," Logan said. "Wallace, you still interested in planes?"

"Of course, but the engineering I do is a little more, what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah, boring." 

"If you're interested, I can get you on base and you can see some of the planes I fly."

Veronica excused herself and grabbed her purse. She walked towards the restrooms but stopped in the hallway. Logan was sure she had no idea how many men noticed her as she passed them. If his mother had taught him anything before she died, it was to embrace his charm and good looks. Add in some family money, and he would be set for life, she often reminded him. Kindness and intelligence were fine but they were meant for those not gifted with charm and beauty. He was confident Veronica had not been given the same advice by her father. He was also sure she had no idea how beautiful she still was. 

Logan watched as Veronica spent several minutes on her phone before entering the bathroom. When she came out, she checked her phone again. He noticed a guy in a green Cubs hoodie standing in the doorway separating the restrooms from the dining area. He put his hand on her arm and spoke to her. She looked up from her phone and gave a jolt of her head before giving him a long hug. As they talked, she pointed towards their table without looking at it. As she was turning away, he slipped a card into her hand. 

Veronica walked back to the table and slid in without acknowledging her encounter. She opened her wallet and placed the business card near the bills. Logan and Wallace were still talking about airplanes and engines. Veronica thought maybe they had switched to talking about cars, but she wasn't interested in either topic and didn't pay attention. Instead, she saw Mac look at her phone and smile. Her phone buzzed again. She looked again and put it back down. Then Logan's phone buzzed and he dug it out of his front pocket. He looked at it and smiled and then showed it to Mac. Mac smiled and picked up her phone and sent a text. Mac and Logan seemed to be wrapped up in their phones and talking to each other. 

"How's the girlfriend, Wallace?" Veronica asked. 

"OK. I think she's ready for a commitment, but I don't know. Seems a bit soon, doesn't it? It's been less than a year."

"What kind of a commitment? She want to be exclusive or get married? Big difference."

"More towards the married spectrum. She's great. We have fun together. But fuck if I know if I want to spend eternity with her." 

"Maybe there's something between dating and eternity. Any middle ground?"

"That's the conversation we've been having. Honestly, it's one of the reasons I hauled Mac off to Chicago for 2 days. It's been a little too intense lately."

"Follow your heart. You're a great guy. She knows she'd be lucky to have you. That's why she's trying to lock you down."

"I think she was hoping for a ring for Valentine's Day. She didn't seem thrilled when she opened the box and there was a Swiss Army knife in it. Very practical. Everyone should have one. I still don't know why she didn't love it."

"Ouch. A Swiss Army knife. Really?"

"You would have loved it. It was purple." 

"Even I can see that might not have been the perfect gift for Valentine's Day. Did you run the idea past Mac before you bought it?"

"It was her suggestion, actually."

"So, she's trying to sabotage the relationship? Has she told you she hates Alyssa? 'Cause I'm guessing she might." 

"Nah, she said the way she reacted would tell me a lot about where her head is. I think she was right. She's been pissed ever since."

"Well, good luck with that."

Logan and Mac had finally stopped talking and typing on their phones. Mac said they should probably head out. "Wallace is meeting Jackson for breakfast. How about if we grab some before we head to the airport?"

"Sounds great," Veronica enthused. She looked at Logan. 

"Why don't you two go and I'll sleep in? I'm still exhausted. Go have some girl talk." 

"Handlebar at 9:00?"

"Perfect. I'll meet you there." 

They gathered their coats and walked out of the bar. Veronica invited them to her place, but they hailed a cab instead. Wallace gave her a hug. "Glad we got to spend some time together, V. I hope it's OK I'm seeing Jackson tomorrow."

"Of course. We went out last night. He seems to be doing really well. I'm glad you two are still friends. There's no hard feelings between us. Have fun."

Mac gave Logan a hug and then waved at Veronica. "See you tomorrow, girlfriend."

Veronica and Logan turned and walked north on Damen. Veronica wrapped her hand around Logan's arm. "That was better than I thought it would be," Logan confessed. "Maybe Wallace doesn't hate me as much as I thought he did."

"He might, but his mother taught him good manners," Veronica said winking at Logan. "He knows how to fake it when he needs to." 

"I'll keep that in mind. Who was the guy you were talking to when you left the table?"

"A reporter from the _Trib_. He's done some stories about the project. He's a good writer. He's also a good contact. He hooks me up with freelance writing gigs when I need some extra cash."

"You work at the project and you freelance?"

"Like I said, sometimes I need some extra cash. I have a few contacts who throw work my way when I need it."

"Why do you need money?" 

"Blow and hookers."

"Funny. But seriously. Why do need money?"

"Mortgage payment. Student loans. Vacation. Christmas presents. You know, the usual."

"I've searched for you online. I don't remember seeing any of your articles."

"I don't write under my real name. Never have. Not even in college."

"What name do you use?"

"Rory Marze, with a ze rather than an s. Rory's androgynous enough so people don't know if the writer is a man or a woman. Why did you search for me?"

"I wanted to find out what you were doing? How you're doing?" Logan paused as Veronica unlocked the doors to the building. "You know Mac never spilled any dirt on you and I don't usually see your dad or Wallace. You search for me?"

"I stopped snooping on people when I came to Chicago. Gave up that life when I left Neptune." 

"You never once looked for me? Never wondered about me?"

"I may have heard some things while you were at Hearst, but I didn't go looking for info, if that's what you mean. Clean break and all that. Best to let go." Veronica opened the door to her condo. 

"Best for who?"

"For everyone. Start over. Make new friends. Meet new people. Do no harm. Fill in with whatever phrase works."

Logan walked to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Veronica approached him and stood between his legs. Logan put his hands on her hips and she placed her hands on his. He looked into her eyes. "I don't understand how it was so easy for you to cut off that part of your life. Cut me out of your life."

"I didn't say it was easy. I said I did it. That's not the same thing."

"Why did you hang on to Mac and Wallace?"

"They held onto me. And they wouldn't let go. If I'm honest about it, it was all them. They made the effort. They forced me to keep in touch. No one else did."

"Not even me."

"I didn't expect you to. Never thought you would." 

"I loved you, Veronica."

"And our hearts were broken. Torn to pieces. We said shitty things. And then walked away. Still seems brutal if I look back on it."

"It hurt like hell, but I wish you hadn't left. I wish you hadn't started a new life without me."

"Honestly, Logan, I have always believed it was the best thing I could do for you after all the shit we went through together. You could get on with your life if I left you alone. And, look, you have. You're a navy pilot. And you love it. Chances are you wouldn't have done that if I had stuck around." 

Veronica dropped her hands and stepped out of his clutch. She walked to the other side of the bed and unzipped her boots. "You can use the bathroom first. I'm going to take a shower, so I'll be awhile." She put her boots in the closet and walked to the kitchen for water. She heard Logan behind her close the door to the bathroom. She went back to the bedroom to find something to sleep in. She was down to yoga pants and a t-shirt. She walked back to the kitchen to start some laundry so she wouldn't have to sleep naked the next night. When she returned to the hallway, she saw Logan was in bed with the light out, so she closed the bedroom door and headed to the bathroom. Saturday night was her night for her mask and she preferred to do it in the shower. 

As she stood under the hot water, she hoped she had changed a little in the last six months. She was trying to communicate with her friends more. She was being as open as she thought she could be with Logan, but it still seemed like a long slog to try to make a relationship with him work, no matter how loose of a relationship they decided to have. She finished her shower and went back to the kitchen to toss the wet clothes into the dryer. She wound up on the living room couch armed with a news magazine until she could fold the laundry. She'd just pull the blanket over her to keep warm, but she knew there was no way she would fall asleep.


	6. March 18 (Sunday)

Logan woke up to silence in the apartment. He couldn't be sure if Veronica had slept next to him, but he didn't think it looked like it. It was after 9:30 so he knew she had left to meet Mac. He crawled out of bed and saw a note taped to the bathroom door. 

_L,_

_I made coffee before I left. It should be fresh unless you sleep until noon. I moved the fresh eggs out of the crisper and onto the shelf in the frig. Help yourself. Like I said before, there is grated cheese and diced ham in the freezer. Butter and jam are in the frig, but bread and bagels are in the freezer. Plenty of orange juice and milk. Also, there's cereal in the cupboard closest to the frig if you prefer that. I left extra keys on the kitchen table if you decide to go out. Call me if you need anything or can't find something. Mac and Wallace fly out at noon, so I shouldn't be gone long. I've made plans for the afternoon. Hope you're up for another adventure._

_V_

Logan was surprised at how much he was looking forward to being alone in Veronica's home. He didn't intend to snoop, but he thought he might take a peek in her closet and analyze what books were on her shelves. He planned to do push-ups in all four rooms of the condo and then take a long shower while imagining what he'd like to do to Veronica the next time they were in bed together. Veronica wasn't the only one who enjoyed alone time. He saw there was a clean towel in the bathroom for him and wondered if Veronica had done laundry before she left. She didn't seem to spend much time watching TV, he had noticed. 

**********

Veronica and Mac met at the vegetarian restaurant in Wicker Park. Veronica was looking forward to one-on-one time with her friend. "Q," Veronica said when she saw Mac walk in the front door. 

"Table for two, Bond?" 

Veronica chuckled and head waved them towards a small table. "I'm so glad we have time for just the two of us," Veronica said to her. 

"Me too. Boys. Yuck." 

The waitress poured them both coffee and took their order. They always ordered the same thing when they met for breakfast at Handlebar - vegan breakfast burrito for Mac and French toast for Veronica. 

"Do you think I'm getting any better, Mac?" Veronica asked right up front. "Am I being any better of a friend?"

"You haven't come back to Neptune since September, but you're doing a better job of texting and calling. That's good. Now if I can guilt you in to coming back home for a few days, I'll feel like my job is done." 

"I don't want to be indelicate before you've had your first sip of coffee, but I want to ask you something else. If it's too personal, just tell me. I won't be mad."

Mac looked at her with eyebrows raised. "OK, lay it on me."

"Logan mentioned that you and Dick might be involved. Is that true?"

"Mentioned it, huh? Do I want to know how that topic came up? Was it after we were texting him last night at the table?"

"Is that what you were doing? No, it was when you and Wallace appeared on my doorstep and I told him no one knew he'd be visiting. He thought Dick might have told you he'd be here."

"I was stunned to see Logan walk out of your kitchen. Talk about awkward. I hope I pulled off cool and relaxed rather than startled."

"You were good, super cool. So, you and Dick?"

"It's true. When we went to Oceanus last time you were in Neptune, you left so you could get up early for your flight. I stuck around and hung out with Dick. One thing led to another and, yeah, we got together."

"You've been dating Dick for 6 months, and you've never mentioned it to me? Logan knows. Does Wallace know?"

"He knows, but we don't talk about it much." Mac took a sip of her coffee. "I'm not dating Dick, Veronica. We get together sometimes and have sex. It's not a big deal."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"No offense, but you can be a bit judgmental sometimes. Plus, you and Dick aren't best buddies. Look, I'm not interested in a relationship right now. Most of the time, my job is a bitch, and I don't have time to deal with the drama of a boyfriend." The server brought them their food and extra napkins. "But I don't have a hang up about wanting to have sex. As long as everyone's on the same page about it being casual, then it's not a big deal. Do you think it's a big deal?"

Veronica poured maple syrup on her French toast. "You know me, Mac. If the current rules suggest waiting 3 dates to have sex, I'd probably wait 12 because I'm so fucking uptight. But I would think feelings would get hurt the way you do it."

"And you've never had your feelings hurt in a relationship?"

"Touché. I admire you for being so mature about. It's all so embarrassing."

"What's embarrassing? Sex or relationships?"

"Both, I guess."

"You were with Jackson for 2 years, weren't you? You always said it wasn't serious."

"We both knew we weren't in it for the long haul, but we enjoyed each other. I don't think it was just casual sex, though. I mean, we weren't with other people when we were together. It was nice. He was nice. And he is damn sexy."

"That he is."

"You noticed, did you?"

"Hard not to. But, you know, being with one person exclusively for 2 years can be considered by some to be a long haul."

"Do you feel like you couldn't tell me about Dick because you think I wouldn't approve?"

"Yeah, a little. Wallace, Logan, and Dick all understand and, as unbelievable as it sounds, they don't think a woman is slutty because she wants to get laid. It takes 2 to tango, Veronica." 

"I get it. I'm not trying to slut shame you, Mac. And I'm sorry if I've been critical and made you not want to talk to me. I really am trying to be a better friend. If being casual, even with Dick, makes you happy, then that's all that matters to me."

"It's all good, Veronica. I'm not sure I believe in happiness as a goal. Sounds like something Oprah or Dr. Phil would have us achieve. I enjoy my life and feel good about the decisions I've made. I really do." They both took time to eat their vegetarian breakfasts. Mac drifted back into the conversation with, "I'm thinking about doing something else that might add both complications and happiness to my life. I've always wanted to be a mom, so I'm thinking about freezing my eggs."

"Shit, that's a big deal. Why now?"

"I've still got time to think about it, but you must've read the statistics about getting pregnant after 35. We're at the age we have to start planning for the future. Things don't just fall into place any more. We have to make a plans. What about you? Want to be a mother?"

Veronica's face was panic-stricken. "Another life for me to fuck up?"

"You don't have to be perfect to be a good mom or a great friend or even an adored daughter. You just have to be you, warts and all. I hate to break it to you, Veronica, but you aren't perfect. You've never been and never will be, but we still love you."

"Thanks for the reality check. Now that you've hit me with the motherhood card, next thing you're going to tell me is that you've saved a million bucks in your retirement plan already."

"Not a million, but I'm saving as much as I can. If I do this thing alone, it's gonna be hella expensive. Let's say I decide to freeze my eggs. That's a cost. Then a donor. Another cost. Doctor bills. Luckily, I have good insurance, but still a cost. Then at least 1 full-time nanny. Major cost. And that doesn't even include the price of raising a kid, which is, like, a quarter of a million dollars last report I read. And that's if the pregnancy goes as planned and the baby is healthy."

"Maybe I could be the nanny. What's the pay and would I have to spend any time with children because that might be a deal breaker?" Veronica laughed. 

"It's going to be hard for you to be the nanny if you're living in Chicago. And I'd need 5 letters of recommendation in order for you to apply. I'm not sure you can get that many positive references," Mac continued with the laughter. 

"What about bypassing the donor and using Dick for the father?" Veronica chuckled. "I've seen him with Casey Gant's kids and he seemed like a natural. Of course, I'm not sure he's even left childhood himself."

"Yeah, we've taken Casey's kids to Disneyland. You're right. He's good with them. And I think you'd be surprised by Dick if you spent any time with him. He's pulled Logan out of some fucked up shit on more than one occasion."

"You and Dick went to Disneyland with Casey's kids? That's more than just using Dick for sex. Mac, are you sure you aren't dating Dick?"

"It's casual, Veronica. Logan was there, too."

"So, what kind of shit did Dick pull Logan out of?"

"It's not my place to talk about that. If you want to know about Logan's past, ask him. I've tried to be a good friend to both of you, and it hasn't always been easy. For the last 10 years, I've tried to keep my mouth shut about the both of you. It's time for you guys to figure out how to have an adult relationship." Mac picked up her coffee cup but noticed it was empty.

"This is why I don't want to talk to my friends. Everyone else is so sure of their futures, so sure of themselves. But I feel stagnant and inadequate in comparison. I can't believe you're making plans to be a mom while pretty much running a tech company. Does everyone have their shit together except me?"

"Trust me, the world looks at you like you have it all together. You're basically a superhero plucking people out of prison who shouldn't have been there in the first place. You're still a badass bitch, but now you're armed with words and facts instead of a Taser. Power of the pen, you know. If you don't feel like you have your shit together, you have to figure out why you think that. What's the missing piece that would make you see yourself differently?" The server refilled their coffee cups. 

"Superhero? You must be joking. We work for months and months doing research in hopes of getting the opportunity to appeal to a judge. There is no busting into prison and pulling someone out through the roof. There's so much red tape even in what should be simple cases. And when I think about what I do, I know it's only the very tip of the injustice iceberg. I'm overwhelmed by how much is not right with the world. I feel like if I don't do my job perfectly, someone's freedom, someone's life could be in jeopardy." 

Veronica didn't know if she should continue, but she hadn't shared her secrets with anyone else and she knew she needed the release. Veronica's eyes filled with tears. "Mac, I need to talk to you. I need to tell you some things that have been going on with me." Veronica paused and wiped her eyes before the tears could fall. "I was on the verge of some kind of a breakdown before I told myself I had to see someone. My therapist thinks I should go on anti-depressants, but I keep fighting her on it. I keep thinking that I can beat this on my own. If I work hard enough, I can dig myself out of the hole I've been in. Every day has been a real effort, and I should have told you or told my dad, but I thought I was being a failure when I couldn't get myself in order. I kept thinking that if I could just change a few more things, I could see the world more positively."

Veronica looked out the window and then back to her friend. "I haven't wanted to say this out loud because that makes it real, but for the last year, I've been burning out at my job. It's getting me down. Way down. I'm starting to take the setbacks personally. I want to scream, but I don't think anyone would hear me." Veronica pushed her plate to the side. "I can't burn out, Mac, because I don't know what else I'd do. It's who I am. Who I've become. It's been everything to me for years. Who am I without this?" 

"You can't change the whole world, Veronica. If that's what you think you have to do to be content, you're going to be miserable your entire life. You are going to make yourself, and probably all of those around you, crazy." Mac paused. "You don't have to be ashamed that you're going through this Veronica. You've covered up a lot over the years, and I'm sure I only know a tiny amount of what's been happening with you. If you avoid issues, they don't go away, they just rot inside you until they poison you. I know you want to be strong or be seen as the strong one in every situation, but you have to let yourself heal and be vulnerable and accept you and the other people in your life for who they are. All of our emotions make us human, not just the good ones."

"Do you think I've let people down? Have I failed? Do you think I'm crazy?"

"We all go through tough times, V. Do you think my life is nothing but roses? You have to be realistic and stop telling yourself that you aren't measuring up to someone else's life. I'm glad you found a professional to help you and I'm so glad you feel like you can trust me enough to finally tell me." Mac paused and then smiled at her friend. "By the way, you've always been a little crazy. Embrace it. Shout to the whole world that you're a little bit crazy. I don't mean to make light of what you're going through, but I want you to know the person I met in high school was no shrinking violet. She wasn't afraid to be different. Find her again, Veronica." Mac gave her a sympathetic smile. "Speaking of crazy, how's the visit going with Logan?"

"Confusing. I still don't know what we're doing."

"Yeah, it's got to be weird reconnecting but knowing that he could be stationed in Japan or some other faraway place."

"He's going to be stationed in Japan?"

"I don't know, maybe, don't think so. It's just a possibility. Didn't he talk to you about it?"

"I haven't made much of an attempt to understand what he does. Flies planes off an aircraft carrier. That's about it. It's so foreign to me." 

"Have you asked him about his career?"

"I don't even know what kind of questions to ask. I'm not sure I want to know. I googled it, and it seems insane. He does one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. I stopped looking after about 30 seconds. Remember, ignorance is bliss." Veronica finished the last of her coffee. "Speaking of jobs, how's yours?"

"It's a bear right now. I think I told you I'm 'management' now," Mac used air quotes and rolled her eyes while saying the word. "As far as I can tell, I think what that means is I'm expected to work more for the same pay. The good thing is I don't code binge for 48 hours straight any more. The bad thing is I now recruit people to do it. I feel like a pimp."

"It's got to be a tough field for women."

"Pimping? Yeah, it is." Mac paused while she smiled at her own joke. "We're always trying to hire women, but it's a man's world, that's for sure. Wallace hates his job. I don't hate mine, but I've got to figure out a way not to spend 80 hours a week at work."

"I feel ya, sister. At least, you make decent money for the time you put in. Sometimes I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall for squat."

"And I look at you and think that you may not be making tons of money, but at least you feel good about what you do and the difference you make in the world. Really, does anyone need one more video game?"

"Grass is always greener."

"I suppose. Not to be too nosy, but back to Logan. What's it been like to have him here?"

"There's no denying this crazy attraction we still have for each other. But you and Logan are both right."

"Say that again. Tell me I'm right. A little louder this time."

"Yes, you're right. If I have sex with Logan, I'm probably going to fall for him again or at least think about falling for him again. I'm not like you, Mac. I don't think I can be casual. At least, not with him."

"Well, you have to know who you can be casual with. It doesn't work in every situation. If one person wants something more, it's not going to work."

"I'm not sure if one of us wants something more, but how in the world would we ever make a relationship work? It makes no sense to me. I try to be logical about it, but I can't make it fit together."

"Maybe you just stay friends."

"Wallace is my friend, but when I look at him, I don't want to rip his clothes off and kiss him all over. I must admit that's one of my most prominent thoughts when I look at Logan." 

"Be patient. Don't expect everything to be explained in the first few days you try to work things out. I know you've been emailing the last 6 months, but that's not the same as trying to work things out in person. If you know something's going to be difficult, just let some of the hard stuff wash off you. Don't pick a fight about every little detail. And don't take everything personally."

"Good advice. I wish we could sit here all day and talk. You're good for my soul."

"Ditto. Get your ass back to California, and we'll make sure it happens. Girls day. No boys allowed. What do you say?"

"Deal me in, chica."

"You know I hate to leave, but my Lyft will be here in 2 minutes. Here's my share for breakfast."

"It's OK, Mac. I'll get this. You flew all the way out here to see me."

"No, we split it or I don't visit you again. Got it."

They stood up and hugged each other. "Have a safe trip, Mac. I'll let you know when I'll be back home." The word "home" had fallen out of her mouth before she could edit it. 

"See ya, Bond." Mac threw her tote over her shoulder and headed for the front door. Veronica went to fish money out of her wallet and noticed Mac had left a $50. "You are so sneaky, Cindy Mackenzie," Veronica said under her breath. "Guess this waitress's day has just been made."

**********

On her way back to Lincoln Square, Veronica stopped at the grocery store to pick up ingredients for their evening meal. She was hoping for a peaceful night, and she thought a home-cooked dinner would set the tone. When she reached her condo building, she sat on the front stoop and pulled out her phone. She found him in her contacts and waited to her his soothing voice.

"Hello, daughter of mine. How're things in Chicago?"

"Good. Cold. They dyed the river green yesterday. How are things in Neptune?" 

"Not cold. Just another sunny day in southern California. Did you call me to talk about the weather?"

"No, I just had breakfast with Mac. She and Wallace showed up on my doorstep yesterday morning. They took a red eye here and are headed for the airport now. How awesome is it that they flew out here to see me for just a few hours?"

"You have some loyal friends."

"You're not the first one to tell me that this weekend." Veronica paused. "The other person visiting me this weekend is Logan."

There was silence on the phone. "And how's Logan?"

"He's fine, dad. Are you mad at me?"

"When you came out here last September, did you come out to see Logan?"

"No, I hadn't talked to him for 9 or 10 years. I ran into him and Dick in Carlsbad. I know it seems random, but he has a condo there."

"I know he does."

"How do you know that?"

"It's my job to know things."

"Well, I didn't know it. A little heads-up might have been nice. I'm sure there were other spas I could have chosen."

"Maybe if you had told me in advance you were planning to visit I could have warned you."

"I don't want to fight, Dad. And there isn't anything going on with us. He's just here as a friend. Nothing more."

"Are you sure about that?"

"He's a navy pilot, and neither of us have time for anything else. Plus we live worlds apart. It would never work."

"Do you want it to work?"

"That doesn't matter because it probably wouldn't work. Logic says it won't work. But I just wanted to call and let you know we've reconnected. What Mac said to me 6 months ago about being less selfish stuck with me. I don't want to keep you out of the loop. It's just really hard for me to open up to anyone. Even you, Dad. Maybe especially you. I don't want to let you down again."

"You haven't let me down. Why do you think you have?"

"Because I did let you down. I fucked up."

"Language, Veronica."

"I'm not a kid, Dad. I swear. Cursing is the least of my problems. Get used to it." 

"Use your nice words and happy tone, Veronica."

"Dad, I'm trying to be better. A better friend, a better daughter. Everyday I'm trying a little harder. It's not easy."

"I know you're trying. I appreciate you telling me about Logan. I love you. I don't want you to feel like you've let me down. You haven't. I'm so proud to call you my daughter."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too."

"Call me later in the week."

"I will. Bye, Pops."

Before she chucked the phone into her purse, she sent off a text. _Throw the hookers out the back cuz I'm on my way up the front steps._

**********

"I can't believe you indulged my Ernest Hemingway man crush," Logan said as they stood in front of the columned Hemingway Museum in Oak Park. 

"Well, you mentioned in your emails you were rereading some of his books while you were deployed. Plus, I assumed _Old Man and the Sea_ was named for you," Veronica chided.

"Better to be the muse for that one than _Death in the Afternoon_."

"The way you were zonked out yesterday after the zoo, I can't be sure you weren't the inspiration for both."

"And what book's named for you?"

" _Something Wicked This Way Comes_? _Devil in the White City_? _Gone with the Wind_? _How to Win Friends and Influence People_? _Devil Wears Prada_?"

"When do you ever wear Prada?"

"That's what you take issue with?" Veronica rolled her eyes as she led Logan to a wooden slatted bench in Scoville Park. They had taken a Zipcar to Oak Park because Veronica thought it would save time. After breakfast and shopping, she had put together a slow-cooker meal for dinner. She thought borrowing the car would give Logan enough time to enjoy both the birthplace and museum on their Hemingway adventure. 

Logan sat next to her; he was bent slightly forward with his forearms resting on his thighs. "How do you know your way around Oak Park?"

"Jackson's parents live here." She pointed north. "We used to visit on Sundays after music classes." 

"You spent every Sunday afternoon with his family?" He sat back and turned to look her in the face. "Sounds serious."

"Not every Sunday. They're incredibly nice. The house was always full of people. Lots of music. His dad's a musician and a lawyer and his mom's a principal - elementary school." 

"You didn't answer me about it being serious."

"Was it a question? No, it wasn't serious. We both knew it wouldn't last."

"Why did you think that?"

"It was too much fun. Light with no fight. How about you? Anything serious?" Veronica wasn't sure she wanted to hear his answer, but she knew it was the question she was supposed to ask.

"Here and there." 

"That's about as vague as a freshman's first term paper."

"You didn't hear I got engaged graduation night at Hearst?"

Veronica felt her stomach lurch. "I stopped my subscription to the _Neptune Times_. I bet it was front page of the society section, wasn't it? Cover of _People_? Maybe I have been living under a rock. Shit, it wasn't Parker, was it?"

"No, Parker was a blip, a rebound from you, nothing more. The engagement was a mistake. I guess I was trying to grasp onto something before I uprooted my life."

"Or maybe you were in love."

"I may have been trying to convince myself I was. We weren't even engaged 3 months. Luckily, she hadn't bought a dress. I look back and wonder what I was thinking. Dick was the one who gave me the reality check I needed." Logan was getting cold sitting in the park, but the sun made Veronica look celestial. "No engagements for you?"

Veronica jumped off the bench. "Let's go back to the car, and I'll drive you around to see some of the Frank Lloyd Wright houses. It's too cold to sit here and talk much longer."

"Are you avoiding my question?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm not ready for this discussion yet. The car's this way," she said pointing in the direction of the library. 

**********

Veronica was driving the backstreets of Chicago to avoid traffic on the Eisenhower and the Kennedy. She had given Logan a quick tour of the Frank Lloyd Wright Home and Studio and some of the historic buildings in the area. Logan commented he had read a book by T.C. Boyle about the women in Wright's life and Veronica agreed that it was worth reading. 

"I didn't mean to upset you with the question about your relationships," Logan backtracked. 

"I'm not upset. I just don't want to talk about it. You don't know anyone I've dated here, so there's no point in rehashing things that didn't work." 

"I'm not digging up the past. I'm just trying to fill in some of the blanks."

"It makes me uncomfortable as to where this will lead. I don't want to know about your girlfriends or your pick-ups or whatever you want to call them. When I saw Dick the last time, he was quite proud of your game. Good for you, but please spare me the details. I don't want to know about your lays."

"What did Dick tell you?"

"Ask him."

"I'm asking you."

"Please, Logan, can we not have this conversation while I'm driving? If you need to tell me about your conquests, put together a list of the women you've been with in either alphabetical and/or chronological order and email it to me. I'll be sure to read it at my earliest convenience. And if it's really important for you to know about my relationships, I'll try to figure out a way to enlighten you about my dating failures. But, honestly, there must be more positive things we can talk about."

They were quiet before Veronica said, "So, next part of the tour. What do you want to see first? Logan Square or Logan Boulevard?"


	7. March 18 (Sunday Night)

Veronica had plucked her china from the closeout shelf at the second hand store three blocks from her condo. They were English chintz, and the set of 12 place settings was discounted to $10. She didn't have many occasions to use them, and she had never used all of them at one meal. Nevertheless, she admired them on her table. The small flower pattern was decorative without being saccharine. 

"Logan, supper's ready," Veronica yelled from the kitchen. 

"Supper? Who says supper?" Logan replied walking from the living room to the kitchen. "Damn, you look sexy in that apron." Veronica untied the hand embroidered apron and flicked it onto the hook by the refrigerator. It had been a white elephant present from Aisha three years ago, but Veronica found it more useful than expected. 

"People in the Midwest say dinner for both lunch and supper, so I never know which one they're talking about," Veronica admitted. "It's one of those things I've never quite understood."

Logan looked at the table with the matching plates and bowls, the flowers, and the beef stew. "Looks amazing, Ronnie."

"Thanks. I threw it together before we went to Oak Park. It's simple beef stew and salad, so it's not fancy. I thought it would be nice to have a meal here instead of going out. I hope that's OK. I didn't even ask if you preferred to go out."

"Really, it's great. It looks like you went to a lot of trouble. I didn't realize you were such a chef."

"How else does a person survive? The saying used to be that if you could read, you could cook. You don't even have to read these days. Every recipe ever invented is on YouTube. What kind of dressing do you want?"

"This is fine," Logan said as he reached for the champagne pear vinaigrette. 

"You know, I don't really know what to ask you about your job. It's a world I know nothing about. What's something cool I should know?"

"Cool, huh? Jedi Transition is a training run through Rainbow Canyon in Death Valley. I don't know if it's cooler for us flying or those who happen to catch us while we're doing it. There's video of it online."

"Is it really like being a Jedi?"

"I'm going to say yes, but since I've never actually trained as a Jedi, I can't be sure."

Veronica took a sip of her water and looked down at her food. "Mac says you might be moving to Japan."

"What? Doubtful. Maybe. How'd that come up in conversation? And how'd we go from Jedis to Japan?"

"She just mentioned it in passing, and I didn't even know it was a possibility. I assumed you'd be in California when not shucked out to sea."

"It's not always a choice. But speaking of moving, you didn't tell me you'd applied to law schools all across the country."

"I told you I haven't decided if I want to go to law school. I'm keeping my options open. Thinking about applying, not applied, to several places. So, if you're in Japan, that's going to make it pretty hard for us to see each other."

"I'm guessing we aren't having a light conversation with this meal. Delicious, by the way. This isn't going to turn into our Carlsbad breakfast with you laying into me, is it?"

"Let's hope not, but I'm not making any promises. If we don't get through some of these issues pretty soon, you'll be gone again. You know, 'leaving on a jet plane, won't know when you'll be back again'." 

"Invite me. I'll be back whenever you want. What about you getting your ass back to California?"

"Mac said those exact same words to me this morning. You didn't rehearse your guilt speeches, did you?" Logan laughed at her paranoia. "There's a social justice conference at UCLA in April."

"You're going to be in LA next month, and you didn't tell me?"

"I haven't signed up for it. Someone from the project goes every year, but I've never gone."

"You have the chance for a free trip to southern California, and you still don't want to go? You don't want to see your dad or Mac or Wallace? What about me? What the fuck, Veronica? Sometimes, I don't understand what's going through your head." 

"It's in LA, not San Diego. LA is such a schlep. You know that."

"You don't think your dad would drive a couple of hours to see you? Shit, Mac's even closer." 

"And you? You hate LA."

"Yeah, it's a cesspool, but of course I'd meet you there. How could you question that? I flew to Chicago in winter to see you."

"Technically, it's almost spring."

"Technically, you didn't make the effort."

Veronica took a deep breath. "We have this motto we live by at work. Don't add extra time by having to re-do something. Save time by doing it right the first time. Cut out the emotion and focus on the facts."

"How clinical of you."

She took another deep breath. "I'm having a hard time picturing how this," Veronica pointed to the two of them three times, "is going to work. Let's focus on the facts. You live in California. I live in Chicago. You could be moving. I could be moving. Not necessarily closer to each other. We both have careers we like and don't want to abandon them. Do I have the facts right so far?"

"You said you didn't know if you wanted to stay in your job. How about just doing freelance writing? You could do that anywhere, couldn't you? Or what about looking for something in San Diego?"

"You may not even stay in San Diego. Why don't you give up flying and see if there's some other kind of job for you at Great Lakes?"

"I wasn't the one who said I was ready for a change."

"Here's what I'm thinking. We can actually try to be friends. Nothing more. That means we treat each other the same way you treat Dick or I treat Mac or Wallace. We text a couple of times a week, maybe call here and there. No special trips to see each other. No expecting anything more than we expect from our other friends. No more fighting. How does that sound?"

"If that's what we decide, I'll take it, but you know I want more than that. I told you that Friday night."

"You also said you want my approval on who you date. Let's skip that part and just assume I'll hate them all."

"Fair enough. And how I treat Dick is vastly different than how you treat Mac and Wallace."

"I'm not even going to comment on that. But if we're going to be friends, we can't hold hands or touch. And no kissing at the airport. That's not fair."

"So what's the other option instead of just being friends?"

"Is there one? You watch these movies where women are dying to be girlfriends of military pilots. Why is that? Who wants to live apart for 6 months? It's a pretty big sacrifice to make."

"They're thinking about upping deployments to 9-12 months."

"Insane."

"You think I don't know that."

"So, the other option is that we are more than friends. Maybe not exclusive, but it's hard to deny we still have chemistry."

"I didn't realize you'd noticed I can hardly keep my hands off you."

"That's just your MO. You're a tactile guy and a natural flirt. Some might say charming. Anyway, or as they say on the blue collar streets of Chicago 'anyways', we try to reconnect, so to speak. See if we can work something out without forcing each other into a heavy-duty commitment."

"When is Jackson going back to Atlanta?"

"What? How'd he get dragged into this discussion?"

"When's he going back?"

"Tuesday night."

"And are you seeing him after I leave tomorrow?"

"Again, what does that have to do with what we're talking about right now?"

"Are you seeing him before he leaves?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow night."

"Where?"

"Dinner with his parents."

"Is that why you said you don't want this to be exclusive? You still want to be involved with him?"

"I'm not involved with him. I haven't seen him in 2 years. I used to see his parents almost every week. It's been years now. I'd like to catch up with them."

"Why?"

"They were like family. Like a normal family. I had that once with them. But I'm not getting back together with Jacks. He lives in Atlanta. I'm not sure why you would say that or bring him up."

"He wanted to stay with you. He met you for drinks. You're spending the night with him and his parents. He was pretty comfortable with his arm around you. You really don't see that he's trying to inch his way back into your life?"

"He did not have his arm around me."

"Yeah, he did. And you weren't too shy hanging all over him either."

"What are you talking about? I wasn't hanging on him."

"And the guy at Fountainhead."

"What guy at Fountainhead? That would have to be either you or Wallace because those were the only 2 guys I talked to there."

"The guy in the green sweatshirt."

"Lucas? Seriously. Why the fuck are you bringing up Lucas? We work together. Sometimes. Rarely."

"You don't hug someone like that when you just work together. Rarely."

"You're right. We were married, had 2 kids and a dog, nice house in the suburbs, but we decided to give that up so we could go back to being work colleagues. I say this with all sincerity. Have you lost your goddamn mind?"

"I'm talking about how we're going to do this non-exclusively and not be jealous. Does that seem possible?"

"Well, I'll try to handle it by pretending other women don't exist. I'm pretty good at denial and avoidance. I've had years of experience. It's only fucked up my brain a little bit."

"What about we just see each other? Jump back into this full stop."

"And what's the best possible scenario for that? We see each other a couple of days each month when one of us flies to Illinois or California. We text and call, maybe Facetime. Wait till you're deployed again when we don't see each other for 6, no 12, months. And when you pick someone up in a bar when you're with Dick or in a dark hallway in the middle of the ocean, then what?"

"Why do you think I'd do that? I never cheated on you. You know that. You're the one who seems to be on multiple dates this weekend."

"Oh my god, I am not juggling guys. I haven't even had a date in months, and I haven't been serious with anyone since, well, since a long time."

"You were with Jackson for 2 years."

"I told you it wasn't serious. We had fun. We liked each other. That's it. You're the one who was engaged. And who knows what else." Logan looked ready to speak. Veronica put her hand up. "No, I don't want to know what else. See? How is this going to work? We're fighting just talking about this."

"It's not fighting. We're just discussing possibilities."

"Feels a lot like fighting."

"I've waited 10 years to be with you again, Veronica. Why would I want to share you with anyone else after all that time apart. What are we waiting for? For Mr. and Ms. Right to show up? We are those people. For the past 10 years, you're the one I've thought about every day. We've wasted so much time, made memories with other people that should have been ours. Do you know how many times I've looked at my phone when it was buzzing just hoping there was some way, any way it was you on the other end?"

Veronica looked down at her empty plate. She could feel tears in her eyes, but she blinked them back. She had lived the opposite of Logan. She had never allowed herself to believe he cared, that he would want her back. She had severed as many relationships as she could in order to eliminate any thoughts of him. She stood up from the table and took her plates to the sink. She walked back to the table and picked up Logan's plate. He put his hand on her arm. 

"Veronica." Love. No, it couldn't be. She must be mixing up the signals. 

She picked up his plate and turned to the sink. "I made cake. Chocolate cake. I've got it on the back porch." She put the plates on the counter and walked out the door. She came in holding a 2-tier chocolate cake with chocolate frosting on a covered cake stand. "Don't worry, the animals can't get to it as long as it's covered. Do you want some?"

"Hell yeah. When did you make that?"

"Last night while I was doing laundry. Idle hands and all that, you know."

"'Wickedness loves company and leads others into sin'," Logan finished. "Am I the one leading or following?"

"Leading. Definitely. Good thing there were western civ classes in college or our unholy souls wouldn't be able to quote scripture."

"Actually, Aaron liked to break out Bible verses just before he beat the shit out of me. That particular passage was one of his favorites."

"Fuck. Sorry. I didn't know or I wouldn't have said that."

"It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is. Shit. Sorry, again." Veronica didn't know what else to say in the awkwardness. "Milk or coffee with the cake?"

"Milk. You avoiding the rest of this discussion about us?"

"I think so. Maybe I need some more time to process. Think things through logically."

"Don't cut out the emotion when it comes to us, Veronica. We're more than a newspaper article or a court brief. We're each other's oldest friend."

"Epic, yeah, I know."

"See, you do think about us, about what we said to each other, what we meant to each other. No one has ever meant more to me than you have."

"You can't say things like that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not true. You loved your mom. You love Dick. You loved the woman you were going to marry."

"It's still true, Veronica. There may be other people in my life, but no one has ever meant more to me than you. That's a fact. You don't have to cut it from the conversation. Fact. Plain and simple."

"It's my fault. I asked you to convince me this could work. That's what you're trying to do, isn't it?" Veronica handed him a plate with cake and filled both of their glasses with milk. 

"I'm trying to tell you how I feel. If that makes you reevaluate your outlook on whether or not we could work, then that's bonus." Logan took a bite of the cake. "Jesus, I might have to start calling you Betty Crocker. This cake is fantastic. You should open a bakery. Screw the snickerdoodles, just make this from now on." 

"Ah, I told you flattery would get you everywhere." Veronica smiled. "It's my dad's favorite, too. I don't make it very often because I'd wind up eating all of it myself. I hate to admit this, but I've been known to have a piece for breakfast."

"Breakfast of champions. Beats that Pop-Tart I saw in the cupboard."

"And you think I'm judgmental. Care to make a comment on the cleanliness of my home or my clothes? Oh, yeah, you did that earlier in the park with that Prada bit."

"Joke, Veronica. You always look amazing. You could wear sweats to bed and you'd still be the sexiest thing I'd ever seen."

"Seriously, charmer, you're going overboard. I'm old and tired. I'm nothing like I was when we were together before."

"I swear you're even more beautiful than you were when we were teenagers. Do you have any idea how many men look at you when you walk through a room?"

"Seriously, stop with the bullshit. I can only roll my eyes so many times during one meal." Veronica scraped the last of the frosting off her plate and licked her fork. 

"Please don't do that again."

"Do what?"

"Lick your fork like that. You're killing me tonight."

"Then I'd like to request that you no longer walk around my house in just a towel. You do that on purpose, don't you? I'm supposed to drop all my questions and just stare at you. Well, it works. So, stop doing it."

"You're right. There's no doubt there's still chemistry between us. Want to do something about it?" 

"Probably not the best idea before we finish this conversation. How about if I clean up in here and you find something on Netflix for us to watch? It won't take me long." 

"If you're gonna put that apron back on to wash the dishes, I think I'd like to stay and watch."

"Perv. A charming freak, that's what you are. Get out."

As Logan left the kitchen, he turned and looked at Veronica standing at the sink. All he wanted to do was stand behind her, wrap his arms around her, and start kissing her neck. He pictured her turning to him and running her soapy hands through his hair as she reached up to kiss him. He turned back to the living room. He needed to find a Disney nature documentary or it would be a very long evening. 

**********

" _National Velvet?_ " Veronica was sitting on the opposite side of the couch as Logan with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her arms were wrapped around her legs and her feet were under the middle cushion. Logan was sitting with his legs stretched out on the vintage pine chest that served as Veronica's coffee table. 

"You always wanted a pony. And Elizabeth Taylor's hot," Logan defended. 

"Isn't this rated G? And wasn't she, like, 12 when she made this movie? I don't think you're allowed to say a 12-year old is hot even if she is dead."

"You can if it's Elizabeth Taylor." 

"Doesn't seem like your type to be honest. Dark hair, dark eyes, child actor. She did love love, though. Good thing you never met her or you would have been her 8th husband, Casanova. 8th? 9th? She wasn't in double digits for husbands, was she?"

"What's in a number? Think of how many wives my dad would have had if he'd lived as long as Liz."

Veronica cringed thinking about Logan's dad and what it would be like if he were still alive. She thought it was probably good that Logan could joke about his father, but Veronica could find little to be humorous about with the man. "Yeah, I'm not going to think about that, if you don't mind. Want the blanket?"

"Only if you'll curl up next to me and share it."

"Do women really fall for your lines? Your mom taught you well, you know that? She always knew what to say to make people feel special."

"If we're going to have any kind of a nice night together, we have to stop talking about my parents."

"So, how's Trina?"

"And no talking about my sister. Ready for the movie?"

An hour into the movie, Veronica pulled the blanket from the back of the couch. Logan put the movie on pause. "You have to share, remember," Logan said. 

Veronica pointed to her face and rolled her eyes. "You have no shame."

"Yes, but you clearly stated before that I have good game. That's all that matters." Veronica pointed again to her face and rolled her eyes. "Didn't your dad tell you that if you do that too often your face will freeze in that position?"

"Then you need to stop." Veronica moved to sit next to him and spread the blanket over their legs. "Press play. I want to see what happens next."

Logan put his arm around Veronica and stroked her hair. Soon, he began rubbing her neck with his fingertips. Veronica trapped his hand between the couch and her neck, and she kept her head tilted back so he couldn't move his hand. Logan wrapped his free arm around her and bent his head to hers. He didn't stop to look at her or rest his forehead on hers. He just kissed her on the lips. He kissed her again and again and gently bit her bottom lip before kissing her again. "Veronica." Lust, pure lust. 

"Mm," she mumbled with her eyes closed. She put her hand on the back of his head and rubbed her hand through his short hair. She pulled him tighter to him as he moved his lips to her neck. 

"Jesus, Veronica, I've wanted to kiss you like this for so long." His lips went back to her mouth and his tongue met hers. "Fuck, no one kisses better than you." He kissed her bottom lip, then her top lip, then each side of her lips before going back to both lips. He was hungry for her. Desperate for her. She couldn't remember feeling this dazed in years. In 10 years.

"Logan, hold up," she breathed. "What are we doing?"

"You know what we're doing." He kept kissing her neck. 

"But we didn't decide anything. We can't just snog senseless without knowing what we're doing?"

"You decide. Just let me keep kissing you," he whispered in her ear. 

The reverberation of his voice in her ear gave her goose bumps and made her tremble. "Fuck, don't whisper in my ear again or I'm going to rip off all of my clothes immediately."

"Promise," he whispered in her ear. 

Veronica backed away from him as far as she could while still in his arms. She put her hand on his chest and locked eyes with him. "I'm not joking, Logan. Is this really what we're doing? There's no going back. Things will get complicated."

"Just let me kiss you awhile, Veronica. It doesn't have to lead to sex."

"Oh, I think it does. Even if I can manage to keep some of my clothes on, it's going to lead to more than kissing. I don't mean to take the fun and spontaneity out of it, but I'm finding it pretty difficult to hold myself back."

"Fine, but you stay on this side of the couch for the rest of the movie."

"Not sure that's a good idea, but I'll agree. What'd we miss in the last 5 minutes?"

"Five minutes? Try 15 minutes. Some judge of time you are."

**********

Logan was in the bathroom brushing his teeth while Veronica was in her bedroom changing. Logan walked in and saw Veronica standing in gray sweatpants and a purple sweatshirt with the hood over her head. "Only thing I could find that might be a turnoff."

"I told you earlier you'd still be sexy in sweats, and, damn it, you definitely are."

Logan took off his Navy shirt and slinked under the covers. Veronica continued to stand at the foot of the bed. "No. No. No. No fair. You are trying to kill me, aren't you?" 

"Kill you, no. Tempt you, yes."

Veronica turned off the overhead light and made her way to the opposite side of the bed. She crawled into bed, bounced onto her side, and pulled the covers up to her chin. Logan rolled over behind her and put his arm around her. "Come on, Veronica. Let me mack on you a little bit."

"Now you're just making fun of me."

"Just a little." Veronica growled softly. "I promise, Veronica, no sex. You're right. We need to keep talking about this and make sure we're on the same page. I want to make this work somehow. We have to make this work somehow." He kissed her cheek, pushed her hood down, and moved closer to her ear. "We're going to make this work," he whispered. 

"Fuck. Stop doing that. I can feel it all the way down to my toes when you breathe in my ear like that. Fuck me, it's staggering." Veronica didn't think staggering was the word she should have used, but she couldn't think straight when he was so close to her. 

Logan laughed, "I shouldn't tease you."

"No, you shouldn't. I don't tease you."

"Right. Coming to bed on Friday night in those little shorts and tank top. Yeah, you were definitely teasing me." Logan's hand had made its way under her sweatshirt to her bare stomach and was inching its way up. Veronica locked her hand on his before he spoke again. "OK, I'll stop teasing you. Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, as long as you don't whisper it in my ear."

"I didn't want to have sex with you this weekend."

"Gee, thanks. Should I take that as a compliment?"

"I mean I wanted to make sure we didn't rush into anything and I was afraid if we had sex, we might regret it. I didn't bring condoms with me to make sure we wouldn't go that far."

"Things you can't buy in Chicago for $100. What are condoms, semi-automatic weapons, and Republican judges?" 

"You can't buy guns in Chicago?"

"The point is when would that have ever stopped us? First, we can buy them here. Second, there's probably some in the drawer. Third, I know from experience we could be perfectly satisfied by the other without actually needing condoms." 

"First, if you've got some in the drawer, get them. Second, thank you for your belief in my ability to satisfy you. Third, you really can't buy guns in Chicago?"

"Until recently, you couldn't buy them. Now you can. That silly little thing called the U.S. Constitution made the city take a new look at their old laws."

"When you come back to California, I'll take you to the range. Show you how much fun shooting can be."

"No thanks. I gave up violent tendencies when I got involved with the project. Bleeding heart, tree-hugging pacifist here. How do you think this whole pacifist - fighter pilot thing is going to go? Are we going to have some hair-pulling fights about U.S. foreign policy?"

"The only hair pulling should be you pulling mine in bed while you're panting and moaning." 

"Has to be in bed, huh?"

"I take that back. Couch, floor, counter, shower, kitchen table, car seat. All work." Logan pulled her towards him so he could look in her eyes. "Tell them on Tuesday you're the one going to the conference in LA. Let me know the dates. If you can add some days before or after, you can stay with me in Carlsbad." He kissed her gently on the lips. "You still have the most beautiful eyes. Even in the dark they're so blue." 

"Ever think about going into politics? These compliments just flow right out of you."

"Why do you think I'm not being straight with you. I do think you have gorgeous eyes and you are more beautiful today than you were 10 years ago and you are a great cook and you do look sexy in both sweats and an apron, although I'm anxious to see how you look in just an apron. The things I've told you are all true for me. All facts. Maybe you just can't take a compliment."

"Maybe I've just become a stoic Midwesterner. We don't go for the Hollywood charm. See right through it."

"You'll always be a California girl to me." Logan kissed her forehead. "Tell me you've missed me, Veronica." 

"I don't want to tell you that."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to miss you."

"You may not have wanted to, but did you miss me?"

Veronica was quiet and turned her head away from Logan and looked towards the window. "More than anyone else. Ten years without a past. Ten years of drifting in and out of relationships. Ten years of everything being just fine, that I was surviving and that was enough. Ten years of knowing I'd never get back those feelings I had with you. Ten years of knowing that no one really understood who I was, not like you did. I didn't let myself think about you, but not having you in my life was like turning off the part of my brain that let me feel anything."

"Were you in love with Jackson?"

"The way I've shut myself off doesn't have anything to do with Jackson. I wouldn't let myself fall for anyone I dated. Jacks was the closest I let myself get to a man, and I never let myself believe that we loved each other. I think we may have, but I wouldn't believe it. No matter what he did to make me smile, I would never tell him how much he meant to me, how much I appreciated his very presence in my life. I told myself it was better for everyone if I was half-in, half-out of the relationships. Expect nothing. That way when nothing happened, expectations were met. I didn't want to remember you, but I couldn't forget you. It always felt like I was cheating on you when I was with someone else. Logically, I knew we'd never get back together, but I couldn't exorcise you. I hate that I've never been able to let you go. It makes me feel weak."

"How about you go all-in with us? Let me, us, you and me make you feel something again."

"I'm not sure if I know how any more. In some ways, it would be like starting over again." Veronica rolled to her side. "Can we stop talking? Can I go to sleep? Would you just put your arm around me and hold me tight so I don't slip into the abyss?" 

"I've got you. I won't let go."


	8. March 19 (Monday)

Veronica opened her eyes to sunlight streaming through the window. She turned her head and saw that the clock said 8:30. She never slept until 8:30. She moved Logan's arm and slinked out of his grip. "Don't leave me alone in this warm bed."

She made her way to the bathroom. _Good for you, Veronica. Way to hang on to your dignity last night_. She washed her hands and her face and looked at herself in the mirror. No way could anyone think the purple and gray sweats were sexy. _Definitely no dignity in this outfit_. She brushed her teeth and went back to bed. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"You in bed with me."

"I'll have to look that recipe up online because it's not one I'm familiar with."

Logan tugged her down next to him and snuggled his head between her shoulder and neck. "How about chocolate cake?" 

"Breakfast of champions."

Logan's hand was back under her sweatshirt and his fingers were slipping down the elastic in her pants. "Veronica." Aching desire. 

"Logan," Veronica said taking short breaths. Her hands were flitting across his chest. 

"Don't fuck Jackson after I leave."

"What?" Her hands pushed him away from her. "Why would you say that?"

"I said it because I don't want you to fuck him after I leave. Honestly, I don't even want you going to dinner with him, but I know I can't ask that."

"When you get back to San Diego, you go ahead and fuck anyone you want." Veronica yanked his hand away from her waistband and rolled to get out from under Logan, but he kept her close.

"Don't leave, Veronica. We're not fighting. That's not what we're doing."

"Yes, it is. It's insulting that you think I'd jump Jackson as soon as you leave. I don't know who you think I am, but that's not me."

"I don't want you to be with anyone except me. Can we try this? See if we can make it work."

"There's got to be a better way for you to ask that than by implying I sleep with every man I know." 

"Every man you know does want to sleep with you, just FYI."

"No, they don't, but I could say the same thing to you. Well, women, I mean. Hell, probably men too."

"Just you and me. What do you say?"

"It will never be just you and me. We don't live in a vacuum. There will always be outside forces smashing into us. There'll be our friends, family, deployments, your ex-fiancés."

"Only one, don't make it worse than it is."

"It's not as simple as just you and me. I mean, I know you don't like him, but I hope my dad will be around for 100 years. Maybe if it were just you and me we could make it work, but it's not and won't be."

"I don't dislike your dad. He intimidates me. I'd rather crash a plane in North Korea than spend the night with your dad looking at me like I'm corrupting his precious daughter."

"But that's what I mean. It's not only us. We have other people, other commitments, other responsibilities."

"If we do it right, maybe we can make it so those other people want us to work as much as we want it to work. When things get tough, they can remind us what's worth fighting for." Logan looked her deeply in the eyes. "Tell me what to do to convince you."

"I'm afraid we'll screw this up and wind up hating each other again."

"I never hated you. Ever. Not even after our worst fight."

"I wish I could have hated you. It would have made things much easier."

"So, here's my proposal. We commit to just you and me," Logan said seriously before he smiled and added, "and our friends and our pasts and your dad and our careers and the horrors of the rest of the world." He paused again and kissed her on the temple. "Sounds doable, right? Trust me, Veronica. Trust us."

"I'm frightened, Logan. It scares me when I don't have control or know what's going to happen."

"Then let's be scared together. Hold each other when things are tough. Laugh when things are good. Dream when things are calm. Let's give us another chance to get this right. We can get so much else right in our lives, we should be able to do this."

"I keep thinking about our options. If we don't try this now, when will be the right time? Is there ever a right time to make big changes? Are we going to wait until we both retire and see if we're still available at that time? When Mac told me the three of you took Casey's kids to Disneyland, I was so jealous. I wished I could have been there reliving old times. Hanging with my old friends. I know I'm not being logical, but I want to try this. But we have to be nice to each other when we fight because we know we're going to fight. And when we fight, it's usually not pretty. We can't go for the jugular every time there's an issue."

"That sounds reasonable and we remind each other of that when we do fight. And no running off when the going gets tough. And we tell each other what's really going on in our lives. And if for some reason it doesn't work, we find a way to stay in our each other's life. Deal? You in? Ready to give this another try?"

"What would my boyfriend William Shakespeare say? _I would not wish any companion in the world but you_." 

Logan touched her bottom lip with his thumb and then kissed her. He whispered in her ear, " _You have witchcraft in your lips_."

**********

They held hands in the cab. Rush hour was finished, and the trip to O'Hare went quickly. Too soon they were in the terminal. Veronica was determined not to be emotional about Logan's departure. "When you get a chance, send me a text. I'll be home until 6:00. Wait, that's only 4:00 California time, isn't it? You won't be back by then."

"I'll still text you. I know you said no kissing at the airport, but how about a quick one?" Logan bent his head down and locked his forehead with hers. They stared in each other's eyes and Veronica's hands went around his neck and touched the bottom of his hair. He pushed her hair behind her ears and kissed her deeper than Veronica thought he would. 

She blinked twice before speaking. "See you in a month, right?"

"Text me the dates so I can count the days. What about meeting half way in two weeks? Denver?"

"I can't afford to meet every two weeks, but ask me next week because I might be ready to change my mind."

"I don't want to go. How about if I stay another week?"

"I'm not going to watch you go through security. I'm just going to walk away. Go to the el and check in with work. Pretend that you leaving me is no big deal." 

"It's not a big deal. We can do this. It's OK if we miss each other. We'll be together again soon. And every time we see each other, it will be even better than the last time." 

"Be safe, Logan. Don't tell the pilot how to fly the plane. Just sit back and relax."

"Bye, Veronica." Logan scooped her up in a hug. He whispered in her ear, "My Veronica." Love, there it was again. She turned and walked away without looking back at him. Years of practice made it easy to blink back the tears. 

**********

Logan's name appeared on her phone to Facetime. She clicked on it. "I didn't expect to talk to you already. Back OK? Did the cake make it in one piece?" It was almost midnight, and Veronica was on the couch in her condo. 

"Yeah, flight was fine. I've already dug into the cake. Still tastes delicious. Made me think about you licking frosting off your fork. Now I'm thinking about it again. Go get some cake and show me again how you did that?"

"Can't. I gave the rest of the cake to Jackson's parents. I told you I couldn't have that in the house. That's why I had to send so much of it back with you. Are you in Carlsbad?"

"Nah, I'm at Dick's. Too tired to go to Carlsbad. How was your dinner?"

"Really nice. It's amazing people can be so kind and normal."

"Normal isn't special."

"I think it just might be. How's Dick?"

"He's not here. He went to see Mac."

"Maybe I should send her a text and ask her what she's doing. Who she's doing is more like it."

"This is why people don't give you information."

"Wait a minute. Dick drove to Orange County on a Monday night. This sounds suspiciously like a date. When we had breakfast, Mac swore they were just casual. Monday nights are not casual."

"Veronica, let them figure it out on their own. They'll get there, but let them do it in their own time. And then be happy for them when they figure it out." 

"I'll be happy for Mac if it's what she wants, but you know Mac is way too good for him. She's a gem and she deserves only the best. I mean that. No matter what happens between them, I'll always side with Mac."

"You're good at loyalty and you should side with Mac. That's girl code or something like that, right? Hey, I seem to be missing my NAVY shirt. Have you seen it?"

Veronica looked down at Logan's gray shirt she was wearing. "Nope, maybe someone stole it from your bag on the airplane."

"Couldn't be the one you have on, could it?"

"This old thing? I've had it for years. Didn't I tell you I'm a huge navy football fan? I wear this to all their games. They do play football, don't they?"

"If I go back to base without that part of my uniform, I could be court-martialed."

"Shit, really?"

"No, I'm just messing with you. I guess I'll get it back when I'm in Chicago next time."

"Sorry, but I don't see this one making it back into your rotation. I'm going to sleep in it tonight. Nothing else. Just your shirt."

"Now who's teasing? And where was that idea last night? Miss me yet?"

"Of course not. I was just being nice to you while you were here so I could get my hands on this awesome shirt. Everything else was just an act."

"If I give you another one, does that mean you'll be nice to me again?"

"Let's get the facts right. You didn't give this shirt to me. I pilfered it fair and square without your knowledge. Give me a sweatshirt, and I'll think about being even nicer. Maybe I'll even put out."

"What do I get for a hat because I can't find that either?"

"Hold on." Veronica moved out of the picture and then returned wearing the blue toque. "Maybe I should just wear the hat to bed instead of the shirt."

"Fuck, Veronica. Are you going to do this to me every time we talk? How am I going to last a month?"

"I was going to put a purple beanie in your bag, so you'd remember me, but I didn't think you'd wear one to the beach. I'll just keep this one here in case you need it next time."

"It better be warm enough in May that I won't need a hat."

"No promises. Are you really serious about coming back in May?"

"That's how it's going to work. You here one month and I'll visit you the other month. Unless I can talk you into every other week or taking a real vacation together. How about Paris?"

"I'm going to have to do a lot of freelance work to afford Paris. Iceland?"

"Iceland? Why do you insist that I spend time in cold places?"

"You have something against warm beds?"

"How about we compromise and go to a beach to surf?"

"Nice try, but I don't have to be a lawyer to know that isn't a compromise. Malta? Greece? Portugal?"

"Portugal has the record for the largest wave ever surfed. I'm in."

"Unbelievably, I don't hate the idea. By the way, I checked those dates for the conference. It's Tuesday through Thursday, so if I take off 2 days, I can be in California for a week."

"You're going to take vacation days again to be with me? I almost feel flattered. Text me the dates, so I can see about getting time off."

"You know I'm going to have to stay with my dad if I fly into San Diego or John Wayne."

"You're not staying with him the whole time you're here."

"I could tell him his couch is lumpy so I have to stay with you."

"Whatever you tell him is fine with me, but you're not staying with him every night."

"I know I'm trying to be more honest with him, but maybe I'll let you tell him."

"You've got a month to ease him into the idea. I'm sure you'll come up with something."

"How about if I write him a letter? Think that would work?"

"How about you write me a letter and tell me all the things you want me to do to you?"

"Yum. I love that idea. Let's hope I don't put the letters in the wrong envelopes. Then you really might have a reason to be afraid of my dad."

"There's something really fucking hot about the thought of you sending me a handwritten letter. Send it to Carlsbad or I have a feeling Dick will find a reason to open it. In the meantime, Facetime tomorrow night? Same time?"

"Text me if things change, but otherwise, this is a perfect time."

"Good night, Veronica."

"Good night, Logan."

Veronica turned off her phone and made her way to her bedroom. She was looking forward to sleeping on her side of the bed again.


End file.
